Meetings are generally 98% useless for getting anything done… at least here at my office. I always act like a giant ass in meetings, and it usually works well at getting me “uninvited” to future meetings.
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Computer/internet issues. I’ve legit had those problems.
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Couldn’t connect
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Oh! Sorry. Screen timed out and I
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My Screen Time was up and needed to get my parents to ask for more time.
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The cat burried my modem
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I was stuck in the Vestibule of Patience.
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I love that movie!!
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“Sorry I’m late! I was busy getting actual stuff done (instead of wasting my time sitting through another meeting about issues that concern only the purchasing unit and affects my duties in absolutely no way, and I have no idea why it is mandatory that the rest of us attend).”
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Too stoned to correctly operate a computer.
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“I couldn’t get the [pick one: video / internet / application / log in] to work!” – not necessarily true, but a plausible excuse in a pinch. As is, “I connected early and fell asleep while I was waiting for everyone to join the meeting.”
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Forgot pants again. (Admittedly, I usually wear shorts, but it’s the internet, so who knows that anyway?)
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We have had 4 or more back to back meetings, some two hours long. We are expected to make guano and retain it. No time designated to have breaks or lunch.
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oh, that ship sailed long, long ago.
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Never been invited to one, thank goodness.
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Best excuse for being late for any business meeting is…”I’m sorry I’m late, but the voices told me I needed to clean my guns.”
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“Directly hit by a Category 4 hurricane” seems to have worked pretty well… It was the truth though. 
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Yep. Always says “Sorry, I was having connectivity issues.” Alternatively, blame it on the videoconferencing platform. Here one I’ve used: “Had trouble logging on. My computer doesn’t seem to like Microsoft Teams for some reason.”
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In olden times, one could simply say “wootoff” and that would be enough.
Now they just laugh at me.
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