Boys From Oklahoma Roll Their Joints All Wrong!


#1

Lets here what ya’ll think. We have all these boys in the wine site talking about a 1/2 bottle getting them plowed. Its time Texas lets everyone know whose the best. The only place where a case is 30 beers, and soon to be 36 beer case! God Bless Texas.

Pick any kid off the street in Japan and draw him a picture of Texas in the dirt and he’ll know what it is.

Did you ever hear anyone in a bar go,
“Wow…so you’re from Iowa?
Cool, tell me about it?” Do you know why?
Because there’s no place like Texas.

Texas is the Alamo. Texas is 183 men standing in a church, facing
thousands of Mexican nationals, fighting for freedom, who had the chance to walk out and save themselves, but stayed instead to fight and die for the cause of freedom.

A wise man once said, “Never ask a man where he’s from;
if he’s from Texas, he WILL tell you.
If not, there’s no need to embarrass him!”…


#2

If you are a REAL TEXAN, …

  1. You measure distance in minutes.
  2. You’ve had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day.
  3. Stores don’t have bags; they have sacks.
  4. Stores don’t have shopping carts; they have buggies.
  5. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in
    it no matter what time of the year.
  6. You use “fix” as a verb. Example: I am fixin’ to go to the store.
  7. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit,
    vegetable, flower, or animal.
  8. You install security lights on your house and
    garage and leave both unlocked.
  9. You carry jumper cables in your car … for your OWN car.
  10. You know what “cow tipping” and “snipe-hunting” are.
  11. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
  12. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.
  13. You think sexy lingerie is a tee shirt and boxer shorts.
  14. The local papers covers national and international news on one page
    but requires 6 pages for football and hockey.
  15. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
  16. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
  17. You find 90 degrees F “a little warm,”
  18. You know all four seasons:
    Almost Summer, Summer, Still Summer, and Christmas.
  19. You know whether another Texan is from southern, middle, or
    northern Texas as soon as they open their mouth.
  20. There is a Dairy Queen in every town with
    a population of 500 or more.
  21. Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past-time known
    as “goin wal-martin” or off to “Wally World”
  22. You describe the first cool snap
    (below 70 degrees) as good chili weather.
  23. A carbonated soft drink isn’t a soda, cola, or pop … it’s a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor.
  24. You understand these jokes and forward them to your friends no
    matter where they live in case they are planning to visit.

#3

You know you’re from Connecticut when… All very, very true and totally opposite from you hicks.


#4

Your family owns more cars than legal drivers…
I guess that’s where I’m from.


#5

I guess there are not Oklahomians to climb out of the flower bed and defend their honor!

And for the person from conneticut…when people ask Texans where they are from, we say Texas…and not “oh North of Mexico” or “right on the gulf”. Be proud of your state instead of saying “near New York”!


#6

I like flowers, don’t you?


#7

Dang 'fraidy cats!

A ventriloquist was making fun of Texans with his dummy at a bar. Then an angry Texan stood up, rolled up his sleeves ,and yelled, “I resent that!”
The ventriloquist started apologizing to the guy.

The Texan looked at him and said, " You stay outta this, I’'m talking to the guy on your lap!!!


#8

i saw cow tipping on both lists…


#9

Ok, that one doesn’t exactly apply to me as I grew up as far from New York as is possible. That’s more for Fairfield county (Greenwich) folks who really do say that. Eastern and Western CT are two totally different places and the list mixes both. Also, most people from CT now know cow tipping is impossible, though we do have more cows than people here. That list is a little old.

Also, I’d like to add to the list that we think everyone from the south is an idiot and everyone from Texas is an a**hole. Just lettin’ ya know…


#10

It’s true! Thant’s why we won the civil war, those stupid yankies never knew what hit em. They where all like “we wanna opress the south” and us suotherners wher like "No!’ So we drove them back where they came from. That’s what really happened.


#11

Heh, I bet they still teach you that in history class too.

We now actually believe we should have let you secede so we wouldn’t have to deal with your bulls**t today.


#12

And you Northeasterners always get such a bad rap down here for being so impolite.


#13

They DO! I rember in middleschool I got in an argument with somone and everyone was like, well the north wanted to opress the south and that’s what caused the civil war.


#14

it’s times like that that i’m embarrassed to be a southerner…

Of course the real cause was the Bourgeoisie Elite wanting to maintain a system that oppressed the people and maintained that status quo! And they were unwilling to do the fighting themselves and sent others to do their fighting for them with guises such as “states rights” and “self-determination”


#15

Uh, isn’t that what Fen just said?


#16

no, by Bourgeoisie Elite I mean the rich plantation owners… I think fen was referring to northerners…


#17

For All you boys saying a lot about Texas, just remember this: In this great nation there is only one other flag that can fly the same height as the American Flag. What did the goverment do for your state to sign on to the U.S.?


#18

BlueBonnets are the only exception! The State Flower!


#19

Yes, I know what you meant…just trying to inject a bit of humor into a pointless pissing match.


#20

Try again. (I hope that’s not too much reading for you.)