snail what?
Formulated with 96% Snail Secretion Filtrate (Mucin)
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Don’t you want skin like a… snail?
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I can’t handle any of this.
Mmmmm, essence of snail 
Essence of Gary!
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Oh. I do loves me some Gary. But, I don’t want his lil’ snotty snots touching me. I will happily listen to his “meow” all day long, though.
So… snail trail extract?
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This reminds me of when I learned about “confectioners glaze” on jelly beans. (And, other shiny candies.)
THEY SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO CALL IT “CONFECTIONER’S GLAZE.” THEY should be made to call it what it is… “BEETLE BUG SECRETIONS.”