Dear Mrs Claus - Ask Mrs. Claus a Question

Also, Mrs. Claus-
Have you ever considered divorcing Santa & taking him for half of everything he owns??
(And maybe moving to a nice warm location with sunny beaches)

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That’s fine. There are plenty of other things I’d be fine with her pulling off.

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Gem-oriented rubies are nice and all but the real dog-oriented thing is where it’s at.

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Ok ok. I’ll look into how long it will take to reconstitute a freeze dried tiny dog.

Maybe we try it out on someone of a similar size who doesn’t mind the cold…?

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Dear Mrs. Claus(e),

Do you have a dryer or a clothesline? I see difficulty in freeze-drying one’s clothes, but more difficulty in filling a dryer with your husband’s–shall we say–expansive full-length fur-lined coat.
Also, do you really wear matching outfits or is that another load of bunk being pushed by the media in these less-than-Christmas-Spirit-filled climes?
Thank you! :smiley:
Curious On Clothing.

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Why settle for half? Who knows what goes on on that long dark ride?

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Good idea. I’ll lure him with a new way of getting a free Amazon Prime trial and Woot coupons and you have the machine ready to stick him right in there.

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Dearest jniemeier:

What a kind and thoughtful question, very strange for Woot!

@notmatty would LOVE to do such an event! I can hear his squealing now (it’s disturbing). We will check with Santa sorry I meant Management and get back to you, poppin.

Ever real,
Mrs. Claus

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Mrs. Claus just choked on her hot cocoa…

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Dearest daveinwarshington:

Why, I’ll read the ingredients to you right off the back of the product!

“Santa’s Snoo is a proprietary blend of the finest sugar-gumdrop flower petals, chrysanthemums, chocolate nettles, twigs, berries and rose hips, the culmination of which is legal in all the lower 48 and is guaranteed to get you totally F–” Oh dear look at the time. Must pop off, ta ta for now!

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Dear daveinwarshington:

Here’s a helpful tip from Mrs. Claus: Read everything you sign and I’m talking everything from Woot! terms & conditions to candy scrolls from gumdrop mountain that are written in elvish that you were told was a co-lease on a cozy little two bedroom workshop.

Sweetly & Sourly,
Mrs. Claus

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Sooo…I did the best I could. It’s…a thing that exists. I think it’ll work… possibly…er… I’m…well… there’s two penguins right? Just in case.

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Dearest Curious:

How sweet to be concerned with wee Mrs. Claus! If we still we were authorized to give away merch at-will I’d send you a branded fruitcake but last year this elf, Manny sent his family like 2,000 fruitcakes and now its a whole thing where I have to get Gary to sign off on it and, ehhhh…

But on to your questions!

My dear Santa’s outfit is made from a non-permeable, Dacron and carbon nanotubes extruded with polyvinyl alcohol to form threads that are 17 times stronger than Kevlar and about four times tougher than spider silk. This way he can survive the rigors of traveling thousands of miles an hour, skimming the edge of our atmosphere like Helios himself. It gets… gamy. In fact the elf, Gamy and his family are tasked with powerwashing it each month!

And we just ADORE being all matchy-matchy… except mine is a simple reindeer wool that does indeed itch sometimes.

Ever ever,
Mrs. Claus

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Uhhhh @peaceetc.

We may have a problem.

Uhhhh, what’s up (she asks seven hours later)?

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So I was sent a bribe. A very good bribe. I’m not so sure I can put the feathered one in the thing.

Tell me, pepper. What sort of bribe could be worth foregoing our cunning plan?

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His name is Gordon and you’re invited to his birthday party on January 9th.

Maybe we could just make a road trip and pick up Ruby ourselves while @notmatty is basting his turkey.

@Williamdavi can drive.

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You do not want @Williamdavi to drive. He can not see over the steering wheel.

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