Derby entry comments for Derby #670: Nearly NSFW

Comments for individual derby entries are placed in this thread.

What Did She Say?

The following is an interview that Michael Scott recently conducted with Ewing Klipspringer, the designer of this shirt.

M. S.: Was it easy or difficult to come up with the design this shirt?
E. K.: It was actually hard. Very hard.
M. S.: (inaudible snicker)

M. S.: Why is that? Did it take you a long time to think up the idea?
E. K.: Yes, a very long time. But once I finally started making it, it came really quickly.
M. S.: (involuntary choking)

M. S.: Will the design be the same size on all the shirts?
E. K.: No. On the smaller shirts—the kid sizes and the S—the design is regular size. But on the XL and 2XL, it’s bigger. Much bigger.
M. S.: (beginning to hyperventilate)
E. K.: Bigger and wider.
M. S.: (his head explodes)
E. K.: That’s what she said.

https://image.ibb.co/mHiRfz/What_Did_She_Say_LARGER.jpg

Sorry in advance for this barrage of pun.

As seen in the “edited for TV” version of The Big Lebowski.

I Always Claim My Farts

During a discussion I overheard when a group of teenagers were attempting to determine who had farted, one sixteen-year-old loudly and proudly made this statement. I wrote it down. And now here it is. Vote for it and maybe you, too, will be able to support the unabashedly flatulent.

https://image.ibb.co/m29tSe/I_ALWAYS_CLAIM_MY_FARTS_Larger.jpg

This got a laugh from me.

Don’t Touch My Junk

When should you wear this shirt?

• When you don’t want people bothering your ancient Chinese sailing vessel.
• Any time you’re within reach of the Transportation Security Administration.
• Whenever you see a handsy member of the clergy.

When should you not wear this shirt?

• On your third date.

https://image.ibb.co/ciQHne/Don_t_Touch_My_Junk_LARGER.jpg

I figured there needed to be more shirts with pics of the highly underrated dik-dik on them.

Haha, I’ve heard tell of the edited for tv version, but never seen it.

Lace and script fonts mean I’m a lady, regardless of what I’m saying.

One half of me says “this goes too far” and the other half says “this doesn’t go too far enough.” Got my vote.

Elmer? Ewwww!

If glue bottles have nightmares, this would be Elmer’s.

https://image.ibb.co/j0c8vz/Elmer_Ewwww_LARGER.jpg

Believe me, it’s the mother Frenchin’ stuff.

This one is a real contender.

I’ve kept it relatively tame, but use this shirt for all your insulting needs!

Heee.

>_< whew, this is dark!

(but I like it)

Love this.

True gentlemen keep their swears classy like this!

One of my favs of your work.