Update: Ok this thread has now been repurposed.
What are some of the crazy things you’ve done for a paycheck, what’s the worst job you had? What made it that way? and of course tell us whether, if given the chance, if you’d do it again!
Alright guys, you know I’m stressing about this letter Orc is turning in for the new supervisor job tomorrow.
We start the last paragraph as:
We want to know if we should keep the “I really want this position” part?
The IT Lead position meets my personal career goals and is a perfect fit for my education, skills, and experience. I look forward to taking on the leadership role and increased responsibility within *****.
thinking about it from the hiring guy’s point of view, he’s prolly less interested in how the position he’s offering fits orc’s education, skills, and experience, and more in how orc’s education, skills, and experience fit his position. if that makes any sense.
Part of our reason for going there is to say that Orc isn’t applying for this job just because if he doesn’t he won’t have a job anymore, but because this is something that he has been training for and wants to do.
If it detracts too much. . . maybe we should reword it?
i know you’ve already changed the wording a little, but i thought i’d try to support my point a bit more. the wording you had was good for showing that orc had enthusiasm for the job, but, i think, ultimately his enthusiasm should be explained as an asset for the hiring guy… an additional reason why orc is better for the job than any other applicant. why he fits better than the other guys.
You have probably re-worked this several times…I just wanted to offer my 2 cents. This sentence here, to me, appears to be a bit run-on. Also, it was always my understanding that when you are using 3 or more descriptive words, there is no comma before the word “and”.
Perhaps… “My education, skills and experience as highlighted in my resume, as well as my personal career goals, are a perfect fit for the position of IT Lead.” ??
Last thought, referring back a few posts to the “I want this position” part: In a few resume and interview workshops I have attended, they have all said that the employer wants to hear that the individual wants said job they are applying for - to actually hear them say the words. It might just be the edge Orc has over the other applicants if the wording is good!
I think the comma thing is about 50/50. You can find just as many rules saying no comma as you can find saying, yep, you need the comma. So as long as you’re consistent, it’s okay. (Unless, of course, whoever’s reading it thinks the opposite, but no way of knowing that.)
Re: I want this position - see, KtC, I keep telling you.