Update: Ok this thread has now been repurposed.
What are some of the crazy things you’ve done for a paycheck, what’s the worst job you had? What made it that way? and of course tell us whether, if given the chance, if you’d do it again!
Alright guys, you know I’m stressing about this letter Orc is turning in for the new supervisor job tomorrow.
We start the last paragraph as:
We want to know if we should keep the “I really want this position” part?
Thoughts. . . . .
Did you read my PM?
Just read it, thanks. Discussing it now.
PM Poof
And back.
Saw that.
I like the sentence after (The IT Lead position is a perfect fit. . . .)
I guess I was hoping to say that not only am I qualified, but it is something that is in alignment with my personal goals as well. . .
The not only am I qualified and capable of doing the job, but it’s also the kind of job I want to do and why I got the training I have. . …
Uggh I’ve stared at this too much, and Poof, you have been indispensable! If I could I’d hug you!
Aw, shucks. Glad to help.
I need to reword.
I want this job because it is the kind of job I want to do (meets personal goals) and hey! what do you know, I’m qualified too! Maybe that’s how I should look at it.
I don’t think I’d get quite that blase about it.
The IT Lead position meets my personal career goals and is a perfect fit for my education, skills, and experience. I look forward to taking on the leadership role and increased responsibility within *****.
Thoughts?
Are you making this the first sentence in the paragraph?
And I don’t like “I look forward to” because it sounds like you’re making it a done deal.
yeah first sentence. . … Ok, I’ll look at that now.
thinking about it from the hiring guy’s point of view, he’s prolly less interested in how the position he’s offering fits orc’s education, skills, and experience, and more in how orc’s education, skills, and experience fit his position. if that makes any sense.
Part of our reason for going there is to say that Orc isn’t applying for this job just because if he doesn’t he won’t have a job anymore, but because this is something that he has been training for and wants to do.
If it detracts too much. . . maybe we should reword it?
Thanks No1! Changed it to I fit instead of it fits me.
hmmm what to change this thread too???
i know you’ve already changed the wording a little, but i thought i’d try to support my point a bit more. the wording you had was good for showing that orc had enthusiasm for the job, but, i think, ultimately his enthusiasm should be explained as an asset for the hiring guy… an additional reason why orc is better for the job than any other applicant. why he fits better than the other guys.
Changed it to:
My education, skills, and experience, which I have highlighted here, and my personal career goals, are a perfect fit for the IT Lead position.
OK, I’ll change the thread theme when I wake up. I have an idea, maybe. Waking up is going to be altogether too early.
You have probably re-worked this several times…I just wanted to offer my 2 cents. This sentence here, to me, appears to be a bit run-on. Also, it was always my understanding that when you are using 3 or more descriptive words, there is no comma before the word “and”.
Perhaps… “My education, skills and experience as highlighted in my resume, as well as my personal career goals, are a perfect fit for the position of IT Lead.” ??
Last thought, referring back a few posts to the “I want this position” part: In a few resume and interview workshops I have attended, they have all said that the employer wants to hear that the individual wants said job they are applying for - to actually hear them say the words. It might just be the edge Orc has over the other applicants if the wording is good!
I think the comma thing is about 50/50. You can find just as many rules saying no comma as you can find saying, yep, you need the comma. So as long as you’re consistent, it’s okay. (Unless, of course, whoever’s reading it thinks the opposite, but no way of knowing that.)
Re: I want this position - see, KtC, I keep telling you.