How are you. I am fine.
I received last Thursday your most recent parcel with the cookies. I thought they were delicious. Unfortunately, Mikolaj, a strangler from Gdansk, grabbed a machine gun and shot up a refrigerator and toaster oven in the break room after eating one. Next time, I guess, don’t put in raisins.
Global domination goes on apace. Although my boss’s new hideout is quite roomy, the barracks are cramped and rather more damp than what one would typically expect inside an extinct volcano.
Our biggest complaint, however, is with our uniform. Orange heavy canvas jumpsuits get quite warm, especially in the late spring and summer humidity. And the chafing. Oh boy!
Luckily, we have a great union representative, Alejandro, a serial arsonist from Venezuela, who was able to negotiate Casual Fridays for us, allowing us to wear our union t-shirts throughout the summer if we maintain a high percentage on our evil benchmarks. So far so good.
I’m including a snapshot they took for some kind of promotional brochure. I’m next to the rocket, second level from the top, on the right.
But my big news is that I’ve been accepted into the Henchman Training Program! This is a wonderful opportunity for me and a good chance to move up in the organization. Wish me luck!
Back to work now.
YOU GUYS ARE ALLOWED TO UNIONIZE?!
The last guys who tried that here… Bezos made us watch as they were quartered by the wearhouse robots and then he mailed their body parts to their families.
Well, we just work for a regular run-of-the-mill Bond Villain.
YOU are talking about a whole different level there…
That was fun. I like the idea of a shirt backstory.
Thanks. I used to do that a lot more back in the old Shirt.Woot days when the forums had wider participation. Sadly, I liked some of my old write-ups better than my old designs.