If at first you don't succeed...
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Blame someone else … it’s the American way
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Try, try again unless you are looping. Break out of that!
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Fall into a pit of self loathing deeper than the Mariana trench as you call yourself every derogatory term known to man while viciously destroying everything in your general vicinity. Then take a deep breath and try to get the ball in the cup again. Because every sport needs a McEnroe.
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“… you suck.” -albert Einstein
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If at first you don’t fricassee, fry, fry a hen. Failure always puts me in the mood for a snack. Well so does success and in times utter boredom I make a pig out of myself.
Cut your throat and watch it bleed.
Don’t try skydiving
…read the directions. And if all else fails, get a bigger hammer.
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Cheat
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
~ WC Fields
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I remember reading this in my youth, I think in a Caddie Woodlawn book. 
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