A dyslexic walks into a bra . . .
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Give a man a plane ticket and he’ll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane, and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.
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I had to clean out my spice rack and found everything was too old and had to be thrown out.
What a complete waste of thyme.
I know a mathematician who could not afford to buy lunch. He could binomial.
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I was going to make myself a belt made out of watches,
but then I realized it would be a waist of time.
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As many of you know, I usually don’t pay attention to the rules of the road. Someone actually complimented me by leaving a little note on my windshield. It said, “Parking Fine.”
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A Georgia state trooper pulls over a pickup on I-75 and says to the driver, “Got any I.D.?” and the driver replies “Bout wut?”
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A Georgia state trooper pulls over a pickup on I-75, asks the driver to exit his vehicle, and says, “You’re staggering.” The driver says, “You’re quite handsome yourself!”
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One day a Georgia state patrolman pulled a car over for speeding about 20 miles from the Florida line on I-95. When the officer asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and juggler and was on his way to Jacksonville to do a show that night and didn’t want to be late. The patrolman told the driver that he was fascinated by juggling and if the driver would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn’t give him a ticket. The juggler told him that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn’t have anything to juggle. The patrolman told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his car and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler said he could, so the patrolman got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler. While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled up behind the patrol car and a drunk got out and looked at the show, and then went to the patrol car, opened the back door and got in. The patrolman saw him do this and went over to his car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing. The drunk replied, "Just go on and take me to jail… there’s no way in the world that I can pass that test.
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I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
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not a good sign at all . . .
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My barber was arrested for house breaking. I was not surprised because he’s so good at cutting locks.
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Did you hear about the midget clairvoyant that escaped from prison? The police are searching for a small medium at large.
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I wondered why the baseball kept getting larger & larger.
Then it hit me.
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I’m not a fan of archery. It has too many drawbacks.
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I always wondered where the sun went at night, so one time I stayed up all night long, and finally it dawned on me!
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All of the dead batteries were given away.
Free of charge.
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Last night, thieves broke into the police station and stole all the toilets! As of right now, the police still have nothing to go on.
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People who plug their computer keyboards into hi-fi systems aren’t idiots.
That would be stereotyping.
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Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire.
Thus we’ll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
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