LAST POST XII: The Postening. Post early, post often, but above all, post last


#5341

Yesterday’s high was 78 and the low was 45, but neither were records.

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#5342

A tall weather-worn cowboy walked into the saloon and ordered a beer. The regulars quietly observed the drifter through half-closed eyelids. No one spoke, but they all noticed that the stranger’s hat was made of brown wrapping paper. Less obvious was the fact that his shirt and vest were also made of paper. Truth be told, even his chaps, pants, and boots were paper, including the spurs. Of course he was soon arrested for rustling…

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#5343

Trust your calculator.
It’s something to count on.

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#5344

Why should blind people not skydive? Because it scares the heck out of the dog.

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#5345

I can’t find my rutabaga.
I hope it will turnip.

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#5346

One day two carrots were walking down the street. They were the best of friends. Just as they started to step off the curb a car came speeding around the corner and ran one of them over.

The unhurt carrot called an ambulance and helped his friend as best he could. He was taken to emergecy at the hospital, and rushed away.

After many hours of agonized waiting, the doctor came out. He walked over to the distraught carrot and said “I have good news, and I have bad news. The good news is that your friend is going to pull through.”

“The bad news is that he’s going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life”.

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#5347

Butchers link sausage to make ends meat.
…last post…


#5348

Tip of the Day: Never ask a hangman to keep you in the loop.

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#5349

England doesn’t have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool
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#5350

Bees have finished building their hive near my living room window. They’re having a house swarming party tonight.

The.Last.Post.


#5351

If you get sick at the airport it could be a terminal illness.
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#5352

I bent over to pick up a sieve. I strained my back.

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#5353

A podiatrist adds insoles to injury.
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#5354

Country Music Song Titles: “Sorry I made you cry, but at least your face is cleaner”

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#5355

The guitarist passed out on stage, he must have rocked himself to sleep.
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#5356

Country Music Song Title: “I Still Miss Her, But My Aim’s Gettin’ Better”

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#5357

I just got kicked out of a restaurant that was supposedly serving a bottomless brunch.

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#5358

I got a new pair of gloves today, but they’re both ‘lefts’ which, on the one hand, is great, but on the other, it’s just not right.

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#5359

My neighbor’s butler wasn’t wearing his false teeth. I thought undentured servitude was illegal.

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#5360

I asked a librarian if she was free this afternoon.
She said she was all booked up.

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