A post dedicated to insert what the title says here
Chief Technology Officer. Not really a Chief. Mostly deal with bugs in people rather than technology. But I do have an office. So 2/3 misleading!
1. Beverage Dissemination Officer – Bartender
2. Chick Sexer – Someone who determines the sex of chickens
3. Digital Overlord – Website Manager
4. Retail Jedi – Shop Assistant
5. Wizard of Light Bulb Moments – Marketing Director
6. Chief Chatter – Call Centre Manager
7. Animal Colourist – This person dyes animals for movies and marketing campaigns
8. Problem Wrangler – Counsellor
9. Twisted Brother – Balloon Artist
10. Digital Dynamo – Digital Marketing Executive
11. Direct Mail Demi-God – Direct Mail Manager
12. Dream Alchemist – Head of Creative
13. Marketing Rock star – Marketing Executive
14. Light Bender – Someone who is responsible for the high-tech, precision job of making neon lights
15. Space Travel Agent – This is the job of Craig Curran who is an accredited travel agent for Virgin Galactic, the world’s first space tourism business.
16. Associate to the Executive Manager of Marketeering and Conservation efforts – Marketing Assistant
17. Pneumatic device and machine optimizer – Factory Worker
18. Senior Kindle Evangelist – In charge of all things ‘Kindle’ for Amazon
19. Brand Evangelist – Marketing Brand Manager
20. Chief Inspiration Officer – A ‘CIO’ is a company representative whose role is essentially to encourage ‘belief in the company’ and ‘internal evangelism of its values’ (give me strength)
21. Part-Time Czar – Czars were Eastern European supreme rulers that haven’t been around since WWII. This person is either an assistant manager or perhaps an emperor of Russia who has been kept in a cryopreserve state since 1917 and is now ready to rejoin the job market.
23. Associate Vice President – One of a number of Vice Presidents
24. Patron Saint of Academic Studying – Unless this person was several hundred years old, I’m doubting whether this person is being totally honest about being a saint.
25. Personalized care assistant – Surely just care Assistant is fine?
26. Hair Boiler – Someone who boils animal hair until it curls (for use in a variety of products)
27. Cheese Sprayer – Someone who sprays cheese or butter by hand on popcorn
28. Oyster Floater – Someone who floats oysters in water until they are free of impurities
29. Marketing Rock star – Marketing Manager
30. Grand Master of Underlings – Deputy Manager
31. Creativity Analyst – Assistant Marketing Manager
32. Accounting Ninja – Financial Manager (Trying to make numbers sound sexier than they are)
33. Sales Ninja – Sales Executive
34. Conversation Architect – Digital Marketing Manager
35. Director of Fun – Director of Marketing
36. New Media Guru – Digital Marketing Manager
37. Initiative Officer – Planner
38. Social Media Trailblazer – Digital Marketing Executive
39. Corporate Magician – Trade Show Magician
40. Master Handshaker – ???
41. Communications Ambassador – ???
42. Happiness Advocate – ???
43. Under Secretary to the Sub-Committee – ???
44. Hyphenated-specialist – ???
45. Second Tier Totalist – ???
46. Actions and Repercussions Adviser – ???
47. Professionalist International and world-wide optical and vision-focused tenured professorship – ???
48. Creator of Happiness -???
49. Change Magician – ???
50. Chief Biscuit Dunker – ???