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Price of a slice of cheese pizza on Ray’s Pizza’s 45th anniversary: 45 cents
Regular price of a slice of cheese pizza at Ray’s Pizza: $2.50
Savings per slice on Ray’s Pizza’s 45th anniversary: $2.05
Length of wait in line: roughly 40 minutes
Hourly wage needed in order to make saving $2.05 worth 40 minutes of waiting in line: $3.08 (less than half of New York’s minimum wage)
At minimum wage, number of slices needed in order to justify 40 minutes of waiting in line: 3
Based on New York City median income, number of slices needed in order to justify 40 minutes of waiting in line: 8
Average number of slices each customer carried out (based on one minute of observation): 2
Number of people who were wasting their time in this line: all of them, except that one homeless guy who usually hangs out on the corner
Top 50 Bushisms
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“I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn’t here.” --at the President’s Economic Forum in Waco, Texas, Aug. 13, 2002
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“We spent a lot of time talking about Africa, as we should. Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease.” --Gothenburg, Sweden, June 14, 2001
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“You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.” -Townsend, Tenn., Feb. 21, 2001
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“I am here to make an announcement that this Thursday, ticket counters and airplanes will fly out of Ronald Reagan Airport.” --Washington, D.C., Oct. 3, 2001
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“Tribal sovereignty means that; it’s sovereign. I mean, you’re a – you’ve been given sovereignty, and you’re viewed as a sovereign entity. And therefore the relationship between the federal government and tribes is one between sovereign entities.” --Washington, D.C., Aug. 6, 2004 (Watch video clip)
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“I couldn’t imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah.” --at a White House menorah lighting ceremony, Washington, D.C., Dec. 10, 2001 (Listen to audio clip)
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“You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror.” --interview with CBS News’ Katie Couric, Sept. 6, 2006
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“The same folks that are bombing innocent people in Iraq were the ones who attacked us in America on September the 11th.” --Washington, D.C., July 12, 2007
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“I’m the commander – see, I don’t need to explain – I do not need to explain why I say things. That’s the interesting thing about being president.” --as quoted in Bob Woodward’s Bush at War
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“Oh, no, we’re not going to have any casualties.” --discussing the Iraq war with Christian Coalition founder Pat Robertson in 2003, as quoted by Robertson
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- “I think I was unprepared for war.” –on the biggest regret of his presidency, ABC News interview, Dec. 1, 2008
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“I will not withdraw, even if Laura and Barney are the only ones supporting me.” --talking to key Republicans about Iraq, as quoted by Bob Woodward
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“I hear there’s rumors on the Internets that we’re going to have a draft.” --presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004 (Watch video clip)
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“I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family.” --Greater Nashua, N.H., Chamber of Commerce, Jan. 27, 2000 (Listen to audio clip)
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“Do you have blacks, too?” --to Brazilian President Fernando Cardoso, Washington, D.C., Nov. 8, 2001
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“This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating.” --as quoted by the New York Daily News, April 23, 2002
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“I don’t think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees.” --on “Good Morning America,” Sept. 1, 2005, six days after repeated warnings from experts about the scope of damage expected from Hurricane Katrina
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“I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully.” --Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000
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“I would say the best moment of all was when I caught a 7.5 pound largemouth bass in my lake.” --on his best moment in office, interview with the German newspaper Bild am Sonntag, May 7, 2006
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“They misunderestimated me.” --Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000
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“For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It’s just unacceptable. And we’re going to do something about it.” --Philadelphia, Penn., May 14, 2001
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“This is an impressive crowd – the haves and the have mores. Some people call you the elite – I call you my base.” --at the 2000 Al Smith dinner
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“Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream.” --LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000
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“I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe – I believe what I believe is right.” --Rome, Italy, July 22, 2001
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“See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda.” --Greece, N.Y., May 24, 2005 (Listen to audio clip)
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“People say, how can I help on this war against terror? How can I fight evil? You can do so by mentoring a child; by going into a shut-in’s house and say I love you.” --Washington, D.C., Sept. 19, 2002
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“I wish you’d have given me this written question ahead of time so I could plan for it…I’m sure something will pop into my head here in the midst of this press conference, with all the pressure of trying to come up with answer, but it hadn’t yet…I don’t want to sound like I have made no mistakes. I’m confident I have. I just haven’t – you just put me under the spot here, and maybe I’m not as quick on my feet as I should be in coming up with one.” --after being asked to name the biggest mistake he had made, Washington, D.C., April 3, 2004
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“You forgot Poland.” --to Sen. John Kerry during the first presidential debate, after Kerry failed to mention Poland’s contributions to the Iraq war coalition, Miami, Fla., Sept. 30, 2004
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“Goodbye from the world’s biggest polluter.” --in parting words to world leaders at his final G-8 Summit, punching the air and grinning widely as those present looked on in shock, Rusutsu, Japan, July 10, 2008
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“The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa.” --State of the Union Address, Jan. 28, 2003, making a claim that administration officials knew at the time to be false
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“The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him.” --Washington, D.C., Sept. 13, 2001
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“I don’t know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don’t care. It’s not that important. It’s not our priority.” --Washington, D.C., March 13, 2002
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“So what?” –President Bush, responding to a an ABC News correspondent who pointed out that Al Qaeda wasn’t a threat in Iraq until after the U.S. invaded, Dec. 14, 2008
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“Can we win? I don’t think you can win it.” --after being asked whether the war on terror was winnable, “Today” show interview, Aug. 30, 2004
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“I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we’re really talking about peace.” --Washington, D.C. June 18, 2002
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“I trust God speaks through me. Without that, I couldn’t do my job.” --to a group of Amish he met with privately, July 9, 2004
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“Major combat operations in Iraq have ended. In the battle of Iraq, the United States and our allies have prevailed.” --speaking underneath a “Mission Accomplished” banner aboard the USS Abraham Lincoln, May 1, 2003
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“We found the weapons of mass destruction. We found biological laboratories … And we’ll find more weapons as time goes on. But for those who say we haven’t found the banned manufacturing devices or banned weapons, they’re wrong, we found them.” --Washington, D.C., May 30, 2003
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“Those weapons of mass destruction have got to be somewhere!” --joking about his administration’s failure to find WMDs in Iraq as he narrated a comic slideshow during the Radio & TV Correspondents’ Association dinner, Washington, D.C., March 24, 2004 (Read more)
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“I’ll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office.” --Washington, D.C., May 12, 2008
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“Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?” --Florence, South Carolina, Jan. 11, 2000
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“As yesterday’s positive report card shows, childrens do learn when standards are high and results are measured.” --on the No Child Left Behind Act, Washington, D.C., Sept. 26, 2007 (Watch video clip)
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“If this were a dictatorship, it’d be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I’m the dictator.” --Washington, D.C., Dec. 19, 2000 (Listen to audio clip)
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“I’m the decider, and I decide what is best. And what’s best is for Don Rumsfeld to remain as the Secretary of Defense.” --Washington, D.C. April 18, 2006 (Read more; listen to audio clip; watch video clip)
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“There’s an old saying in Tennessee – I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee – that says, fool me once, shame on --shame on you. Fool me – you can’t get fooled again.” --Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002 (Watch video clip)
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“Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren’t able to practice their love with women all across this country.” --Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004 (Watch video clip)
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“Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.” --Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004 (Watch video clip)
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“You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn’t it? I mean, that is fantastic that you’re doing that.” --to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005 (Listen to audio clip)
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“Brownie, you’re doing a heck of a job.” --to FEMA director Michael Brown, who resigned 10 days later amid criticism over his handling of the Hurricane Katrina debacle, Mobile, Ala., Sept. 2, 2005 (Listen to audio clip; watch video clip)
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“My answer is bring them on.” --on Iraqi insurgents attacking U.S. forces, Washington, D.C., July 3, 2003
Teacher arrested at John F. Kennedy Airport
A teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, the Attorney General said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
“Al-Gebra is a problem for us,” the Attorney General said. “They derive
solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.” They use secret code names like ‘X’ and ‘Y’ and refer to themselves as “unknowns”, but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.
As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, ‘There are 3 sides to every triangle’.
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, “If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes.”
White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President. It is believed that the Nobel Prize for Physics will follow.
So, if women are supposed to be so much better at multi-tasking, why can’t they have a headache and sex at the same time?
A married woman was having a torrid love affair with her pest control guy. One day while with him her husband comes home early. “Quick”,says she to her lover, “into the closet!”.
Husband goes to hang up his coat and finds the exterminator.
“Who are you?”,says the husband.
"I’m the exterminator and I’m checking for a moth infestation"the exterminator replies.
“How come you are naked?” husband asks.
The exterminator looks down, his eyes widening, “Those bastards!”
An updated version of Who’s On First…
You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello , and not too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on…
If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, ‘Who’s on First?’ might have turned out something like this:
COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT
ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO : Thanks. I’m setting up an office in my den and I’m thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT : Mac?
COSTELLO : No, the name’s Lou .?
ABBOTT : Your computer?
COSTELLO : I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT : Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name’s Lou .
ABBOTT : What about Windows?
COSTELLO : Why? Will it get stuffy in here??
ABBOTT : Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO : I don’t know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT : Wallpaper.
COSTELLO : Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.?
ABBOTT : Software for Windows?
COSTELLO : No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT : Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything??
ABBOTT : I just did.
COSTELLO : You just did what?
ABBOTT : Recommend something.
COSTELLO : You recommended something ?
ABBOTT : Yes.
COSTELLO : For my office??
ABBOTT : Yes.
COSTELLO : OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT : Office.
COSTELLO : Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT : I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO : I already have an office with windows! OK, let’s just say I’m sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. ?What do I need??
ABBOTT : Word.
COSTELLO : What word?
ABBOTT : Word in Office.
COSTELLO : The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT : The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO : Which word in office for windows??
ABBOTT : The Word you get when you click the blue ‘W’.
COSTELLO : I’m going to click your blue ‘w’ if you don’t start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with??
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO : That’s right. What do you have?
ABBOTT : Money.
COSTELLO : I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT : It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO : What’s bundled with my computer??
ABBOTT : Money.
COSTELLO : Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT : Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO : I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT : One copy.
COSTELLO : Isn’t it illegal to copy money??
ABBOTT : Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO : They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT : Why not? THEY OWN IT!
(A few days later)
ABBOTT : Super Duper computer store. Can I help you??
COSTELLO : How do I turn my computer off?
ABBOTT : Click on ‘START’…
May I suggest an addition? –
“Apple?”
“No, I’m not hungry, but anyway, how would you get it to me?”
I’d like suggestions please.
This is a recipe targeted to me by Google this evening. When I look at the picture all I can think of is Jeffrey Dahmer but I can’t even imagine what body part.
I’ll take any ideas at all.
Catching up on some old reading?
Nope, just another dead synapse of mine. (I’m too new here to have any “old reading to catch up on.”)
My lame excuse 
: I was confronted with that photograph and had to share it with someone, anyone! Searching threads for “targeted advertising” (because I wanted to help keep the forum streamlined) I landed on a related post, a post that was immediately followed by other related posts, I scribbled. I published. I saw a quick Reply!
I’ll keep looking for a suitable existing thread 
and try to move my post there.
{{I am separately keeping up on old reading, including today a 1974 bestseller, but that’s a whole other story.}}
Go ahead and revive this thread. Let’s see what happens.
My grandpa always said when one door closes, another one opens.
Smart man but a horrible cabinet maker.
People are usually shocked when they find out I’m not a very good electrician…