Fen, Fen, Fen … all of mankind cares.
Saint Jessica, Our Lady of Hubbahubba, the Dark Angel herself, with child. Dramatic gasp. How could such a thing happen? (Well, we know how …) How dare he despoil a national treasure in such a way? How could she choose anyone for the despoiling except [insert_your_name_here]???
Please excuse me now. I need some time alone. sniff
Pretty cool that the article said that the father is… (dramatic pause)… her boyfriend!
There’s still hope you can break them up, the dude will pull a Federline, and you can swoop in and be the kindly stepfather.
Nah. She’s ruined now. We’ll be seeing Entertainment Tonight features soon detailing how she’s begun running over the feet of photographers, shaving her head or binge eating, hanging out with Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton, etc.
On a more positive note, I’ll bet she’ll be the cutest mommy at Babies-R-Us…
Honestly, it’s not that big a deal. Just loosen your grip slightly, you’ll get used to it.
I think I am with Fen on this one…
bwwwahhh haa haaa!
I don’t get it.
(in my best Jed Clampett voice…)
“Someday, I gotta have a long talk with that boy.”
'Splain the gazintas to him.
Seems Saint Jessica’s boyfriend is already an expert in that particular science.
What every parent wants to hear from an unwed daughter.
*"I woke up at seven and my body was vibrating
I was wrapped up in a blanket
I was grey
Damp and sore
The bedroom was an engine and my heartbeat was erratic
(Like I think I’m at the racing
Like the night before)
I remember one girl standing
One was sitting on the ground
One was holding me up
The other pulling me down
And I couldn’t decide which one was real
Because there wasn’t a sound
(Like I was pregnant again… )
“Don’t move, don’t blink, don’t think, don’t even breathe,” she said
“Or the photograph will spoil
And cut you off at the head”
So I was sucking
I was sucking like a fat lady would
But I couldn’t hold it down another second
“Don’t twitch, don’t shout, don’t think, don’t even breathe,” she said
“Or the photograph will spoil and cut you off at the head”
So I was sweating
I was sweating like a fat lady would…
And I woke up
With a man inside my mouth
(This won’t hurt at all… )"*
THis is a Cure lyric, isn’t it?
Speaking of young, pregnant starlets …
What is wrong with this family? Will Jamie-Lynn become an alcoholic, crackhead, non-custodial single parent like her big sis Britney? Yikes.