Overheard in the Office


“We’re gonna do the best we can, and then we’re gonna shove it down their throat.”


“That’s the way I like them. The more gooey they are, you can just suck them out later.”


Dustin: “Robots! Robots!”

Tim: “Yeah, some day they might even make a Tim robot.”

Dustin: “And he’d be twice as productive as you!”

Tim: “…Maybe, maybe…”

Dustin [walking away]: “Robots!”


“You sure look different when you’re bald.”


“You’re not wearing panties, are you!”


“Thank you for an awesome weekend. I think I am suppose to say something like, Wow, that was crazy, but truly, that seems like it was planned to go that way.
And to have something go so smoothly, amid so much teenage chaos, is a tribute to your efforts and the efforts of every volunteer.
I say that, having been involved in the planning and execution of invading not one but two countries. It never… NEVER goes as smoothly as you think it will. This weekend truly did.”


“Juanita, are you still taking ginkgo biloba?”

“No, I stopped taking it.”

“Oh, really? Why?”

“I forgot to buy more.”


“I think if you got one that fits in that big old thing, it would be too small, Linda.”


“…you had a hernia in your scrotum?”


“OMG, I totally forgot you are a mom, too.”
Mentioned in a weekly planning meeting.


“It looks huge because I have small hands.”


“Suck it, Jens!”


“I have told you ten million times to stop exaggerating!”


“Wild optimism is not encouraged.”


“That’s a real nice way to break it off”


You had a meeting with Trump?


“Do you want me to pull my pants down now?”


“What’s that smell?”



“Do you have anything that needs to get wiped down?”


"She got a guinea pig? Wow! That’s great!

     ....What's a guinea pig?"