Overheard in the Office


#801

“I hate food, I hate doing food. I will bribe someone to do food.”


#802

“Oh, go ahead and touch it. You’ve already touched everything else…”


#803

“The only thing healthy I’m drinking is beer.”


#804

“Oh, this place is making me want a drink. I’m going to start bringing a flask to work.”


#805

“Linda, can I kill Dustin?”


#806

after bumping and knocking over a floor fan in the classroom: “I was attacked by the fan!!”

Student response heard in the background “Ms M; you have no fans!”

http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/daduntsh.gif


#807

In the lunch room:
“Mrs. – gave me sticky buns.”
“I shower to avoid that.”


#808

“How come nobody told me I had this new mole on my face?”


#809

“I can whip it out real quick if you need me to.”


#810

“He threw up on my floor.”


#811

“Here, pick this up and feel this. How do you feel about handling something of this size?”


#812

“Do you want to borrow my ruler so you can scratch yourself?”


#813

“Are you married? You aren’t wearing a ring!”


#814

“I am going to have to start smoking.”


#815

“Is your ex-wife going to be there? Can I say ‘hi’ to her to break the ice?”


#816

“My mama said to me, ‘you’re stupid,’ and I took her to Chipotle! I could have taken her somewhere else if she was going to say that…”


#817

“Unlike you, I have to go back into that hellhole in ten minutes…”


#818

“I don’t know why my thing is green.”

“I don’t know, either, but I like it.”


#819

“What does ‘overly rigid’ mean?”


#820

“Oh, you’re right. Switzerland is its own country.”