Overheard in the Office


“I didn’t know she did that, but I like it, it helps it to pop out.”


Aren’t lotlizards prostitutes that do their business in truck stop parking lots?


“Just put it in my hand and see what happens in ten seconds.”


“I guess I ate too much cheese yesterday.”


“I’m having a hard time sticking it in that hole back there.”


“We have some good lotions at home. I used some this morning.”


“Are you trying to make me drink? I mean, what the hell?


“It must be so hard to go so long without waffle fries.”


“Preparation H. That’ll probably do it.”


over the intercom at work “the turkey’s in the hallway”

(I work in a pharmacy. I guess the turkey is tired of the snow & wants to warm up lol)


… followed by “Clean-up in isle 6”…


“I brought something hot and am going to need to use both hands.”


Someone in the stairwell as I was walking up on their cellphone:

“I didn’t even know we were in a relationship.I thought you broke up with me.”

I think someone is in trouble.


“I didn’t step on my dick, so I’m okay.”


“I guess I better put on some mascara, KELLY told me I have bags under my eyes!”


“Is that ‘girl’ blue or ‘blue’ blue?”


“I’m just stating a fact: these are sweet and salty nuts.”


“I can’t believe you smelled them.”


“Why am I getting stiffer?”


“Do you wanna know if I’m going through menopause? Is that the question you’re trying to ask me, Marcus? Because you can ask me if I’m in menopause. Yes, I’m of that age!”