Overheard in the Office


“Have you ever had sex in really cold weather?”


“You’re so little, you need to eat more, Damien!”


“It’s not the way I used to do it. I kind of like it, I’m still getting used to it.”


“Hey, I lasted for twenty minutes. And then five more after you let me in again.”


“It’s going to be so nice today, I didn’t want to wear any pants.”


“Is that your Squatty Potty? Did you bring your Squatty Potty to the office?”


“I’m not very good at using my thing here.”


“I want to grab your thing.”


“If you come over here, I’ll stick a fork in you.”


“It used to be tight. But now it’s not. I’ve been stretching it out all week.”


“I can’t see it, but I can feel it. It’s soft! I wonder what that is?”


“If you want to spend 5 or 10 minutes with us, we’ll show you how it looks and what it feels like.”


“I have my vibrator on today, so I hope it’s not obnoxious.”


“This floss expired in 2016. Do you think it’s still safe?”


“If it’s long, it’s wrong. Go with the shorter one.”


"I’m the I.T. guy, I don’t swipe to get in anywhere!?


“I remember the first time I saw a bagel. I didn’t know what they were. I thought it was the biggest donut I ever saw.”


“That chart is going to save your a$$.”


“There is no level of complexity we aren’t willing to drive into this thing.”


“If I could order her online… I’d order two of her. Ohhhhh, yeah…”