Overheard in the Office


#961

“Why don’t you kiss my ass, Bob?”


#962

“Is it in already? Is it in?”


#963

“It seems like the more pregnant you’re getting, the more curse words are coming out of your mouth… I kind of like it.”


#964

“Wanna see it?!”


#965

Who doesn’t??


#966

“Come on, Jack, how long does it take for you to parade around in your office naked?”


#967

“I’ve already touched most of the people in this room. If I haven’t touched you yet, I’ll be touching you really soon.”

“Fifteen minutes alone with you is about enough.”


#968

“On a scale from ‘1’ to ‘obnoxious,’ you’re killing it today.”


#969

“Just because you can’t feel it, doesn’t mean it’s not in there.”


#970

“They already fixed it once, do you want it to go limp again?”


#971

“OH MY GOSH! LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT THING!”


#972

“It took her almost two minutes to pull it off.”


#973

“I spent more time pulling up my yoga pants than I spent running on the treadmill.”


#974

“Is it possible to choke on air?”


#975

“Well, I had to stick it in somewhere, so it got stuck in there.”


#976

“It’s a rat hole, but it’s cheap.”


#977

“This is still kind of hard, because it’s so big.”


#978

“I don’t see a muscle, all I see is flab.”


#979

“Your car is nicer than daddy’s”


#980

“I nominate you to sit on this thing until it becomes soft and comfortable.”