Overheard in the Office


“Why don’t you kiss my ass, Bob?”


“Is it in already? Is it in?”


“It seems like the more pregnant you’re getting, the more curse words are coming out of your mouth… I kind of like it.”


“Wanna see it?!”


Who doesn’t??


“Come on, Jack, how long does it take for you to parade around in your office naked?”


“I’ve already touched most of the people in this room. If I haven’t touched you yet, I’ll be touching you really soon.”

“Fifteen minutes alone with you is about enough.”


“On a scale from ‘1’ to ‘obnoxious,’ you’re killing it today.”


“Just because you can’t feel it, doesn’t mean it’s not in there.”


“They already fixed it once, do you want it to go limp again?”




“It took her almost two minutes to pull it off.”


“I spent more time pulling up my yoga pants than I spent running on the treadmill.”


“Is it possible to choke on air?”


“Well, I had to stick it in somewhere, so it got stuck in there.”


“It’s a rat hole, but it’s cheap.”


“This is still kind of hard, because it’s so big.”


“I don’t see a muscle, all I see is flab.”


“Your car is nicer than daddy’s”


“I nominate you to sit on this thing until it becomes soft and comfortable.”