Overheard in the Office

#981

“I don’t use this thing very often, so I whipped it out.”

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#982

“Give me every inch!”

#983

“Here’s a ruler, Kenny, go measure yourself.”

#984

“The first time it just felt too firm and hard and uncomfortable, but the next time it didn’t feel that bad.”

#985

“Myanmar”

(in my head:

Burma!

Why’d you say Burma?

I panicked.)

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#986

“I don’t want everyone to see it, it’ll make them too excited that they can’t have it.”

#987

“Susan is going to get me some new balls.”

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#988

“I knew if I came over around this time that I’d find you with butter on your hands.”

#989

Reminds me of the “please not now” from the fallon show

#990

“I’d rather have the flu than the smell of Lysol.”

2 Likes
#991

Rick: “The meeting’s at 10:00 on Friday.”

TJ: “OK, I’ll be there.”

Rick: “But you can’t yell.”

TJ: “F*ck it, then I won’t be there!”

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#992

“Do you want to share this cucumber with me?”

#993

“I’m 44 years old, and still afraid of my mom!”

#994

NOT overheard…

The guy on the other side of the cubicle wall must be firing some major SBDs…it ain’t me.

#995

“Can you imagine how big their turds must be?”

#996

“Can you get me your balls out of where ever the hell you have them?”

#997

“I wouldn’t have pulled it out if I didn’t know it was going to fit back in.”

#998

“I don’t just pull out randomly.”

#999

“Now that she’s shown me how to help myself, I can help myself!”

#1000

“So, you’re saying that we could make an obscene movie over there?”