Overheard in the Office


“I don’t use this thing very often, so I whipped it out.”

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“Give me every inch!”


“Here’s a ruler, Kenny, go measure yourself.”


“The first time it just felt too firm and hard and uncomfortable, but the next time it didn’t feel that bad.”



(in my head:


Why’d you say Burma?

I panicked.)

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“I don’t want everyone to see it, it’ll make them too excited that they can’t have it.”


“Susan is going to get me some new balls.”

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“I knew if I came over around this time that I’d find you with butter on your hands.”


Reminds me of the “please not now” from the fallon show


“I’d rather have the flu than the smell of Lysol.”


Rick: “The meeting’s at 10:00 on Friday.”

TJ: “OK, I’ll be there.”

Rick: “But you can’t yell.”

TJ: “F*ck it, then I won’t be there!”

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“Do you want to share this cucumber with me?”


“I’m 44 years old, and still afraid of my mom!”


NOT overheard…

The guy on the other side of the cubicle wall must be firing some major SBDs…it ain’t me.


“Can you imagine how big their turds must be?”


“Can you get me your balls out of where ever the hell you have them?”


“I wouldn’t have pulled it out if I didn’t know it was going to fit back in.”


“I don’t just pull out randomly.”


“Now that she’s shown me how to help myself, I can help myself!”


“So, you’re saying that we could make an obscene movie over there?”