Bert’s Nap
skit starring Bert (Frank Oz) and Ernie (Jim Henson)

Bert: yawn Oh boy … It’s time for a nap … am I tired yawn

(Bert gets all comfortable in bed and begins to snore.)

Ernie: Bert! Oh Bert! Ol’ buddy Bert? Hey, Bert … Where are ya, Bert?

(sees Bert in bed)

Oh! Mmmm … You know it is just possible that my old buddy Bert is asleep.
For one thing, he’s lying down, which he usually does when he is asleep.
For another thing his eyes are closed … yeah.
And for another thing, he’s not answering me when I talk.
So old buddy Bert is probably asleep, but I will check just to make sure.

(pokes Bert)

Poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke!
Note how I can poke old buddy Bert is the stomach and he doesn’t complain.
Now when old buddy Bert is awake and I poke him in the stomach, he complains.

(sees Bert’s arm)

Oh looky here. Note how floppy and soggy-like old buddy Bert’s arm is.
When old buddy Bert is awake, he’s not floppy and soggy like.
So, I am quite certain that old buddy Bert is very definitely asleep.
And …

(Bert rolls over with eyes open)

On the other hand … Now his eyes are open!
My old buddy Bert’s eyes are usually open only when he is awake,
so he’s probably awake, but I will check just to make sure.
Poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke, poke!

Bert: Now cut that out!

Ernie: See, I was right, he’s awake!

Bert: Ernie!

Ernie: Yeah?

Bert: Why did you wake me up?

Ernie: Did I wake you up, old buddy?

Bert: Yes you did!

Ernie: See, I was right, first he was asleep and now he is awake.

Bert: Ernie, why’d you wake me up?

Ernie: Uh … Oh! … Uh … because I have something very important to tell you.

Bert: What’s that?

Ernie: Well, you see I just looked at the clock.

Bert: So?

Ernie: It’s time for your nap.

Bert: Ahhhhh!

Ernie: Well, sleep tight. Mmmm…Mmmmmm

Transcribed by Don Murphy



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It is with the saddest heart that I pass on the following. Please join me in remembering a great icon. The Pillsbury Dough boy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was only 51. Dough boy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies and Captain Crunch.

The gravesite was piled high with flours, as long-time friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Dough boy rose quickly in show business but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he even still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions. Toward the end it was thought that he would rise again, but alas, he was no tart.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about twenty minutes.


Salmon poke.

Poke Salad Annie

written by Tony Joe White
Originally recorded by Tony Joe White
Also recorded by Elvis Presley

Down in Louisiana
Where the alligators grow so mean
There lived a girl that I swear to the world
Made the alligators look tame

Poke salad Annie, poke salad Annie
Everybody said it was a shame
Cause her mama was working on the chain-gang
(A mean, vicious woman)

Everyday ‘fore supper time
She’d go down by the truck patch
And pick her a mess o’ polk salad
And carry it home in a tote sack

Poke salad Annie, ‘gators got you granny
Everybody said it was a shame
‘Cause her mama was aworkin’ on the chain-gang
(a wretched, spiteful, straight-razor totin’ woman,
Lord have mercy. Pick a mess of it)

Her daddy was lazy and no count
Claimed he had a bad back
All her brothers were fit for
Was stealin’ watermelons out of my truck patch

Poke salad Annie, the gators got your granny
Everybody said it was a shame
Cause her mama was a working’ on the chain gang
(Sock a little polk salad to me, you know I need a mess of it)



Poke Eye Salmon