Itemized List (including 1 item not in video)
≡ 3x baby bottles
for those children I can’t have
≡ 2x Bayonet Thru Head
one completely broke, the other partially broke 
≡ 2x bundles of velcro straps strapped together by velcro straps
hey something useful -maybe-
≡ 2x bottles of very tiny unicorn themed erasers
to magically erase the memory of things I can’t unsee
≡ 1x can of Starkist Chunk Light tuna
Expires 09/23/2025… so could last for several hurricane seasons
≡ 1x pair of Life P3 mini earbuds
useful… to someone else after trying these, they’re actually pretty nice 
≡ 1x launchable monkey with shark cape
first ever woot! monkey I’ve gotten and Izzy is eyeballing it for evisceration
≡ 15x large paper clips and 1x small paperclip
shaped like the disappointment this is turning out to be
≡ 1x I Won Something Ribbon
duplicate of the one I have on my desk at work
≡ 1x notecard with the word “crap”
yes… yes it is
≡ 1x item not included in video
hint: they cover lady parts
I hope you’re happy @davejlives