"The Person Below Me" ~ A game of assumptions

Funny side note. Prior to being called “Bird in Hand, PA”, the town was known as “Two in Bush, PA”. But the name was changed for unknown reasons at the end of the 1890s.

The person below me vacations in Hell, MI every summer. They always tell people that they took the vacation from hell.

Well, yes… I do love to vacation in Hell, Mi. It’s so lovely this time of year, though I usually drive through Sugar Tit, SC on my way home.

The person below me always takes their pet goldfish on vacation with them, and buys them their own seat when flying.

Hey! We have fallen on hard times, and my 14K Goldfish poops gold. I have to harvest it, dry it, then sell it. Do you know how long it takes this damn fish to poop out an ounce of gold? Sheesh!

When the person below me first heard of toe jam, they thought it was a condiment.

Ya, I did. But I always remember to practice safe snacks, always use a condiment.

The person below me has a t-shirt with the above motto, and they always wear it to PTA meetings

It was fun while it lasted. It’s an Anvil and the neck stretched out after a couple wears, so it’s ready for the rag bag. In fact, I’lll be washing my car with it tomorrow.

The person below me will mow their lawn tomorrow. They are sports fanatics and will be “writing” the Bills team logo and name into the front yard with the mow pattern and grass height.

I do it, but I feel that it is quite a waste as one can only appreciate its true beauty from a helicopter, and there arent many where I live.

The person below me has a list of 12 words that he can’t believe were excluded from George Carlin’s list. He therefore believes that he can say them everywhere, even the woot forums

beep boop bip boppity-bo beep shit bop boop beepity bip boo beep

The person below me did hard time for chewing gum on the sidewalk.

I was caught carefully applying bubble gum to the sidewalk. I only served 11 years of a 20 year sentence as it was decriminalized in 2014.

The person below me tries to avoid running over bugs on the road.

The MTA (Monster Truckers of America) list VW Bugs as negative points unless you can run them over in pair.

The person below me is on the Secret Service watch list for their frequent use of the name “Trumpty Dumpty”

And hopefully soon Trumpty Dumpty will have his great fall. (Yo, You secret service guy who is spying on me, I’m talking metaphorically)

The person below me made a fortune selling freezers in Alaska

I did! The trouble is, they paid me in whale blubber. Wanna buy some whale blubber?

The person below me still uses whale blubber to light their house.

only after i’m done chewing on it, then i seal it in my food saver bags. put it in the freezer. drag those bags out when the power goes out. put them in my magical lamp to summon the genie, who then magically restores my electricity!!!

the person below me, posted an inappropriate, album cover photo, on woot…

That was months ago. I posted the Blind Faith album & it got deleted.

The person below me has been saving string for many years, and now needs to build a warehouse to store the ball-o-string in.

nah, no warehouse. put the big ball of string in the cat sanctuary. they love it! tear it up like nobody’s business. that’s what i save it for, cat’s enjoyment!!

the person below me, sings so beautiful, like snow white. and all the birds gather together, everyday, to listen to their beautiful bird serenades…

That describes my singing perfectly, but it still wasn’t enough to please Simon Cowell during the Season 5 auditions of idol.

The person below me tries out for reality shows just to be insulted on tv and become a YouTube sensation

If auditions don’t pan out, I will resort to plan B : make a sex tape. Hey it work for Kim what’s her name.

The person below me still uses beta max as their primary means of watching movies. If a newer film isn’t on betamax they will con a friend into playing it at their house and film the movie with their beta max camera.

That was true until a year ago when my ex-friend tipped off the feds. Now I’m doing time for violating that FBI warning before every movie.

The person below me once called the cops on his neighbor after his neighbor cut off his mattress tag

Of course I did. I was checking out their mattress with my woot-purchased drone and saw that tag-infraction. Law-breakers need to be punished to the fullest extent of the law.

The person below me is taping 30 drones together so they can fly to Disneyland.

Actually I’m going to Disney World in Florida. And I’m using balloons.

https://image.tmdb.org/t/p/original/nWKXaD1ytLoe65KOUuPoR7F7yfx.jpg

The person below me makes balloon animals for a living.

Most people don’t understand how serious a job it is to be a Balloon Artist. I’ve trained in the finest Balloon schools for many years, and am highly accomplished with my balloon snakes, worms and eels. In a few years, I hope to attempt a lizard.

The person below me can’t wait to travel to France, so they can taste real French fries.