"The Person Below Me" ~ A game of assumptions

#561

I have to be careful using vending machines though. The starch really jams them up.

The person below me plays pinball for a living.

#562

Well I did, until the machine TILTED and it shut down my game, I became disqualified and was later suspended.

The person below me wants to make yellow snow in Miami in July

#563

Yes. I have no idea why, it just seems like a great goal in my life. We all need goals.

The person below me avoids going outside, in case some space debris falls and smashes them.

#564

I don’t know why people mock me for it. It happened to my Uncle Earl and he hasn’t been the same since. He says it happened after a night drinking Vodka.

The person below me calls the Operator just cause they feel that Operators are bored now that people look everything up on the internet.

#565

Until one blamed my calling in for getting killed in an online game. Later the MayTag repairman called and said “Thanks”.

The person below me searches the nighttime skies looking for illegal aliens.

#566

I used to until…you know…the probe.

The person below me has detachable fingers.

#567

Well after going through like 2,187 keyboard F5 keys here at woot.com, My fingers were just worn out, so I hopped in my time mach… er um CAR and went to the fut… eh Walmart and had my hands upgraded. Now if a finger wears out, just replace it…

The person below me sells imaginary oatmeal through etsy…

#568

Sales were good when I offered free shipping, but then I had to charge shipping. Do you know how much it costs to ship imaginary oatmeal? It nearly bankrupt me!

The person below me has a faulty keyboard, when you press a key, it types it twice

#569

YYeess, IItt ccaann bbee aa pprroobblleemm wwiitthh lloonngg wwoorrddss lliikkee MMiissssiissssiippppii oorr aannttiiddiisseessttaabblliisshhmmeennttaarriiaanniissmm ((wwhhiicchh II uussee aa lloott))…
II ttrriieedd oorrddeerriinngg aa nneeww kkeeyybbooaarrdd oonn–lliinnee, bbuutt iitt hhaass bbeeeenn ddiiffffiiccuulltt…

The person below me always has dog & cat treats with them, in case it starts raining like cats & dogs outside.

#570

I sure love eating those dog treats and cat treats. Well, actually i don’t. But it sure beats driving in the rain and the treats have a pretty long shelf life.

The person below me once hired a 300lb female escort, for the sole purpose of having a pillow fight.

#571

i only paid her to powerwash my house!! she did a great job, highly recommend!! the pillow fight was for free…

the person below me, thinks, in their before this life, they were a poor peasant…

#572

And in the life before that I was a soldier under General Washington. I died from hypothermia.

The person below can correctly predict the numbers of the 1st Powerball drawing every month, before the drawing takes place. but only 15 min after ticket sales stop.

#573

Its a really complex algorithm to figure out the numbers which involves a full lunar phase cycle, a calendar page shredded up in a blender,(which is why it can only be done once a month) and a cat taped securely to a lawn sprinkler.

The person below me once successfully inhabited Mars, but ET, Mac, Paul, and Yoda ganged up and kicked them off the planet…

on a side note…

I once got a fortune cookie that said “ssoorrrryy dduupplleexx ttuurrnneedd oonn…”

#574

That’s true. But I also discovered that Mars is neither the land of Spirit, nor Opportunity (some might need to google that reference).

The person below me watches the “Girls Gone Wild” video daily. But he watches them in reverse, cause (as he puts it) “It makes it seem like the girls all learned their lesson”

#575

So! What sort of man doesnt’?

The person below me was once above me. However, they have found their place in life!

#576

Actually, I’m now above & below you. Watch Out!

The person below me uses carbon paper in their printer to make two copies of something.

#577

do they even make carbon paper any more??? i do however, press the number 2 on the printing machine… so i have a copy… umm, for my secret files…

the person below me, has a pair of Blue Suede Shoes, that they only wear … to the local tavern every week… on dancing fridays!!!

#578

Used to… until they got rid of Fridays and replaced them with another monday… Now when I look at my blue suade shoes I just feel… blue

The person below me believes that colors are a figment of our imaginations, squirrels rule the universe, and that you can divide by zero(everyone else has just been doing it wrong)

#579

you can always divide by zero, to make sure you got your original number right… duh… and the whole world already knows, green squirrels, do indeed, rule the universe!!!

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/14/76/66/1476663e5df4832f1699e199bd01b17b.jpg

the person below me, has used so much of that fakey suntan colored lotion. that they are just plain neon orange colored now…

#580

You forgot to mention that I also glow in the dark.

The person below me has five different ways to order pizza via delivery and never need to pay