"The Person Below Me" ~ A game of assumptions

#581

this is backwards… my kid works at at a pizza joint. so i have 1 way to order 5 pizzas via delivery and never need to pay…

the person below me , went to the pet store today and bought a gecko and crickets. was so excited about this gecko told everyone that they were naming the gecko SPIKE! and upon leaving the store screamed for everyone to hear, “I am so Psyched for Spike!!!”

#582

I was so excited for Spike… then the crickets ate him… :frowning: I was so confused, then I realized I got “Carnivorous Mutant Crickets” so I released them to the wild… they seem to be doing well, although my neighbors don’t seem to like them…

The person below me has their name on the Missing persons list seven times, but they haven’t even been found once…

#583

Even when I find my picture on a milk carton, they still just can’t find me!
I’m right HERE!

The person below me wears a shock collar to keep themselves away from the cookie jar at night.

#584

Well have you seen Chronicles of Narnia? well that wardrobe is a pretty accurate description of my cookie jar. Its a doorway to Wootless-landia, a terrifying place you don’t want to get lost in. So until I can cast this cookie jar into mount doom, I’m using the shock collar.

The person below me visited the future and confirmed that the iPhone 37 is no different than the iPhone 7 except it has apple’s 15th version of custom charging cable as they still refuse to us a micro USB

#585

Ya. Apple claims they are going for a retro feel with their newest phone. But as we all learned with the iPhone 34, apple makes its money in the chargers, not the phone.
In fact, their business model is give the razor, sell the blade. (This used to work for printers until Sony Printer Powder killed that business model)

The person below me thinks that WWE is real and the NBA is scripted.

#586

Yup.
That’s because the WWE IS REAL and the NBA has all been scripted!!!

The person below me thinks the moon is made of cheese, and only mice have landed on the moon.

#587

no, i don’t… monkeys have only been to the moon… everybody knows that!! i do however, love a sharp cheddar!!!

the person below me, leaves their dirty, nasty dishes in the sink for days…

#588

Dishes are like clothes … why wash them because you’re only going to get them dirty again.

The person below me said they can’t drive 55 but is always in the fast lane doing 45.

#589

45 is plenty fast enough for the fast lane. Of course, I go 70 in the slow lane!

The person below me keeps all of their money in their sock-drawer because banks can’t be trusted.

#590

Thats because Banks, by definition, are Bad And Nefarious Kleptomaniactic Swindlers

The person below me owns 365 ink stamps which they love to show off, one per day… on their forehead.

#591

Feb 29th was such a sad day. I was stampless. People complimented me but I felt so naked.

The person below me is a member of the NY Polar Bears Club.

#592

I thought it was a great idea. Then I found out that I had to run around naked in the Polar Bear exhibit at the zoo.

The person below me is terrified of catching ‘Cat scratch fever’.

#593

I said I was terrified of CSF…
which is Cerebro Spinal Fluid not Cat Scratch Fever…
Seriously though brain/spine juice!!! EEEKKKK!!!

The person below me taught Chuck Norris how to round house kick, and says that Chuck still doesn’t do it right.

#594

One of those is a false statement!

The person below me has no idea how to eat an Oreo correctly,

#595

It was something they never taught me in school. Good thing there is no wrong way to eat a Reece’s.

The person below me only eats microwaved food

#596

That’s because the microwaves stay in the food after cooking, helping to deflect powerful brain-sucking ray guns that the Martians use on humans every day.

The person below me still isn’t sure if Martians are sucking our brains out with their ray-guns.

#597

That alians are sucking our brains out with their ray-guns I’m sure of. I question whether they are Martians or from a planet outside our solar system.

The person below me is in negotiations with 20th Century Fox about making a Donut Store named after Homer Simpson

#598

Well the Sign was going to have “Homer’s Nuts” written on it, and below it a picture of Bart kicking Homer… well you know where… and Homer would be yelling “Doh” with the chat bubble perfectly placed between “Homer’s” and “Nuts”

The person below me can owns seventeen and a half seafood restaurants, but is so allergic to shellfish that they only enter their restaurants by quarantining themselves by wearing a full deep sea diving suit.

#599

First of all, it is 17 and 3/4 seafood restaurants (the 3/4 store is a cart outside the open market, closed on weekends)
Secondly, I don’t have the issue when going into the kosher store as there is no shellfish sold there.
Thirdly, we don’t sell shellfish in the restaurant named “Who you calling Shellfish?”. Which is kinda ironic.

The person below me gets EXTREMELY upset that the words IRONIC and AWFUL arent used they way they were initially defined.

#600

I’m so mad right now. My shirts are wrinkled and need to be ironic. The trouble is… I have more laundry to wash and the washer machine is awful of clothes already!!! Why can’t people just talk rightly and understandurbly?

The person below me is not going to eat, drink or sleep until they get a Bucket O Crabapples from woot.