"The Person Below Me" ~ A game of assumptions

JayMatt19 · October 26, 2016, 7:11am

but unfortunately all it does is make my smile look weird in pictures (due to the spinach stuck in my teeth)

The person below me believes the following conversation happened between the City of Cleveland and the Devil:
CLEVELAND: We want a championship. DEVIL: ok, but you’ll have to host the Republican Convention.
CLE: …Fine.
DEVIL: Donald Trump is their nominee
CLE: Make it 2 championships and you have yourself a deal

moles1138 · October 26, 2016, 4:29pm

DAMN STRAIGHT! GO TRIBE!

The person below me hates billy goats.

JayMatt19 · October 26, 2016, 4:49pm

sure boy do hate em. one of the few animals that taste nothing like chicken.

the person below me thinks that Hawaii should never have become a state

JDSardone · October 27, 2016, 2:19pm

They shouldn’t have… I just got back from there and… well… They are so… Disconnected

The Person below me collects leaves from every artificial tree they come across.

moles1138 · October 27, 2016, 10:48pm

No.1 The Larch. The Larch.

The person below me carries a Red Herring for no reason.

daveinwarshington · October 28, 2016, 5:20pm

Yes. It wasn’t red when I started carrying it 7 years ago, but at least it finally stopped stinking. Just me & my herring… sigh…

The person below me is trying to get their local Mexican restaurant to build a wall around their house.

JDSardone · October 31, 2016, 6:58am

Actually they built it to keep me out…

The person below me just spent $8k for 2016 world series and is still hoping the Minnesota Twins can still pull it off!

dmwilson220 · November 1, 2016, 2:40pm

If I just believe it, there’s nothing to it. It’s only November after all, we got plenty of time.

The person below me just won a pair of flip flops, gently used, by bigfoot.

Tinker000 · November 1, 2016, 3:38pm

The person below me just won a pair of flip flops, gently used, by bigfoot.
[/quote]

EEEW SWEATY AND HAIRY!! (look at the fungus)

The person below me just received a phone call from Elvis…

mick52 · November 4, 2016, 4:19am

EEEW SWEATY AND HAIRY!! (look at the fungus)

The person below me just received a phone call from Elvis…
[/quote]

cause i can talk to dead folks… he just kept making derogatory comments about Priscilla’s botched face stuff…

the person below me can’t drive a stick shift…

JayMatt19 · November 4, 2016, 4:30am

My teacher was just horrible. When I asked when to shift, he would just keep repeating “Shift Happens”

The person below me is hoping on making millions by selling DVDs of all the presidential commercials of 2016

dmwilson220 · November 4, 2016, 10:11am

I have a deal in place with the A.D.(Advertisement Defication) Network. They’re an informercial channel, sure they’re only carried by 1 provider on channel 548 from 2:16am-3:47am, but just you wait and see how many copies of “2016: The Nightmariring” we sell. After all, DVD is the new vinyl.

The person below me is figuring out how to cover up their Cleveland Indians 2016 WS Champs tattoo.

moles1138 · November 5, 2016, 9:03am

It’s sure isn’t easy to change a 6 to a 7. But I don’t regret it being my first tat. Hell of a ride this season.

The person below me doesn’t have fingers so the have to type with their toes.

bonmaytilley · November 5, 2016, 3:28pm

That@d tyue anf ir majes ir hatf tp Spelk.

The person below me wears bunny slippers to the grocery store.

moles1138 · November 5, 2016, 10:51pm

And I always end up with a cart full of carrots.

The person below me can’t keep there hands out of their pants.

olcubmaster · November 8, 2016, 3:55pm

Well, they are there hands so there’s where they belong.

The person below me had a much wittier answer but instead will now tell a knock-knock joke involving a barber.

JDSardone · November 16, 2016, 1:36pm

Barber: Knock knock
Guy in Chair: Who’s there?
Barber: Oopsija
Guy in Chair: Oopsija who?
Barber: Oopsija Stagaveyouamullet

The person below me is going to explain that joke to everyone even though they already get it.

daveinwarshington · November 18, 2016, 4:38pm

The barber, having just had a fight with his girlfriend, had just consumed a fifth of Jack Daniels and was going to go home. He was closing the barber shop when a guy rushed up to the barber’s front door.
The barber, not wanting to lose business, knocked on his front door for some odd reason.
The man then asked “Who’s there”? as he wanted to be sure that this was a barber shop.
The barber, who’s name was clearly printed on the front door “Oopsija’s Barber shop”, said “Oopsija” and opened the door.
The man, assured that this was the owner of the shop, rushed in and sat down in a barber chair. Wondering the barber’s last name, he asked him “Oopsija who”?
Being in a drunken stupor, Oopsija ignored him, not even asking what kind of haircut he wanted. He was dreaming about landscaping his front yard, possibly even pruning the hedges short on top and leaving them longer at the bottom.
He snapped out of it and remembered that he was giving a haircut. Oh, no! He had cut the mans hair short on the top & very long below!
The man asked if he was almost done.
All poor Oopsija could mumble before passing out was…
“Oopsija Stagaveyouamullet”.

The man looked at Oopsija, passed out on the floor, then peeked in a mirror. He thought to himself… How did that barber know I wanted a mullet haircut? This was the best haircut he ever had received. He tipped Oopsija a $50 & walked out the door.

The person below never reads long boring stories about drunken barbers.

JDSardone · November 22, 2016, 11:41am

Elsa Ultra Prestige Costume, Large 10-12

The barber, having just had a fight with his girlfriend, had just consumed a fifth of Jack Daniels and was going to go home. He was closing the barber shop when a guy rushed up to the barber’s front door.
The barber, not wanting to lose business, knocked on his front door for some odd reason.
The man then asked “Who’s there”? as he wanted to be sure that this was a barber shop.
The barber, who’s name was clearly printed on the front door “Oopsija’s Barber shop”, said “Oopsija” and opened the door.
The man, assured that this was the owner of the shop, rushed in and sat down in a barber chair. Wondering the barber’s last name, he asked him “Oopsija who”?
Being in a drunken stupor, Oopsija ignored him, not even asking what kind of haircut he wanted. He was dreaming about landscaping his front yard, possibly even pruning the hedges short on top and leaving them longer at the bottom.
He snapped out of it and remembered that he was giving a haircut. Oh, no! He had cut the mans hair short on the top & very long below!
The man asked if he was almost done.
All poor Oopsija could mumble before passing out was…
“Oopsija Stagaveyouamullet”.

The man looked at Oopsija, passed out on the floor, then peeked in a mirror. He thought to himself… How did that barber know I wanted a mullet haircut? This was the best haircut he ever had received. He tipped Oopsija a $50 & walked out the door.

The person below never reads long boring stories about drunken barbers.

TL:DR

The person below me is about to share his favorite Thanksgiving recipe: Lion Mane Soup

mick52 · November 26, 2016, 2:45am

Elsa Ultra Prestige Costume, Large 10-12

The barber, having just had a fight with his girlfriend, had just consumed a fifth of Jack Daniels and was going to go home. He was closing the barber shop when a guy rushed up to the barber’s front door.
The barber, not wanting to lose business, knocked on his front door for some odd reason.
The man then asked “Who’s there”? as he wanted to be sure that this was a barber shop.
The barber, who’s name was clearly printed on the front door “Oopsija’s Barber shop”, said “Oopsija” and opened the door.
The man, assured that this was the owner of the shop, rushed in and sat down in a barber chair. Wondering the barber’s last name, he asked him “Oopsija who”?
Being in a drunken stupor, Oopsija ignored him, not even asking what kind of haircut he wanted. He was dreaming about landscaping his front yard, possibly even pruning the hedges short on top and leaving them longer at the bottom.
He snapped out of it and remembered that he was giving a haircut. Oh, no! He had cut the mans hair short on the top & very long below!
The man asked if he was almost done.
All poor Oopsija could mumble before passing out was…
“Oopsija Stagaveyouamullet”.

The man looked at Oopsija, passed out on the floor, then peeked in a mirror. He thought to himself… How did that barber know I wanted a mullet haircut? This was the best haircut he ever had received. He tipped Oopsija a $50 & walked out the door.

The person below never reads long boring stories about drunken barbers.

i love this drunken barber tale!!! i replied to it many days ago!! but it’s not here?? i might have been too drunk to send the post…