"The Person Below Me" ~ A game of assumptions


I’ll say it does! There’s the off key note of my sister, the angry note from my mom, the screechy notes from my smart alecky kids, the tinny note from the woodpecker who insists on pecking on my gutter… all of those notes drive me CRAZY! Then again, my dad says I really shouldn’t take all of these musical(…?) notes so personally. But what else can I do? I have perfect pitch!

The person below me has invented a machine that recycles worn out car tires and turns them into basketballs. They’re planning to sell the patent for this machine to the NBA.


Well they told me they declined my offer. The basketballs made from the recycled tire rubber were black instead of orange, and they left way too many black rubber marks all over the court.

The person below me used to have a Delorean time machine, but they are going to tell us how they lost it.


Never park in a tow-away zone during a presidential visit. Your car (in my case my time traveling Delorean) will probably end up at the bottom of a lake somewhere.

The person below me can type in pig-latin


itsway ruetay itway asway away eryvay unfay killsay otay earnlay Iway ouldway ecommendray itway otay everyoneway eriouslysay it’sway hetay estbay anguagelay everway andway itsway rettypay easyway otay astermay exceptway unctuationpay and way apitalcay eemsay otay essmay ymay excelway unctionsfay offway

hetay ersonpay elowbay emay isway ellway ersedvay inway eadingray igpay atinlay andway illway elltay usway owhay onglay itway ooktay hemtay otay eadyray histay essagemay


It didn’t take very long. The secret is to translate it from Pig Latin to Klingon. Then From Klingon to French. Then from French to English! No problem!

The person below me raises rodeo bulls, but now wants to start up a delicate glass wares shop in the same building.


If you were insured the way I insured the delicate glass ware shop, you’d put it above the rodeo bull training site as well!

The person below me bites their toenails


so what if i do, when i can’t find the clippers? don’t be jealous, cause you’re not as limber as me.

the person below me… wishes they could find some magic shoes, so their feet could be the greatest tap dancer in the world .


I actually do have magic shoes. I just can’t get them to improve my tap dancing. I’m so upset, all they do is turn anything I kick into gold. I wanted them to help me tap dance!

The person below me is considering taking a college course on ‘balloon animal art’.


Well, I’ve got to do something about my ineptness with balloons. I took the mail order course but it didn’t go so well. My monkeys, kangaroos, and tigers were still popping. Then I tried reading “Balloons For Dummies” but I was still popping penguins, poodles, and pandas. It was SO frustrating!

So taking this college course is my last ditch effort. The registrar told me that if I pop anything else, he’ll let me audit the course for free.

The person below me plans to shoot a world class ad for the Super Bowl. They are hitting up all of their friends for the funding to pull it off.


I’m a bit short, but I’m confident my friends will come thru for me. If you see the commercial offering homemade Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches, you’ll know that I got the money I needed to air the commercial.

The person below me thinks the NFL ProBowl is better than any playoff game


No no no… NFL Pro Toilet Bowl…
its the latest and greatest when it comes to toilet bowls. It’s the only Ninty-Five Liters per flush Pro Toilet Bowl!!! Its scientifically designed to handle anything that those professional eaters like Joey Chestnut can drop on them.

The person below me has the worlds largest collection of fish scales.


I couldn’t decide whether to collect the scales scraped from dead fish, or the scales to weigh them.
I decided to collect both!
I may open a Fish Scale Museum next month & charge people $50 to come in.

The person below me is going out to cut down their Christmas tree this weekend, to get the best selection of trees.


I love the smell of fresh pine all year 'round! Besides that, I’ve heard about a brand new technique for preserving Christmas trees. All you have to do is dip the tree into a vat of hot wax, and it will last forever. I’m going to put lots of ornaments on it before I put it in the vat. Presto! I’ll never have to decorate a Christmas tree again! :slight_smile:

The person below me is planning to move to a cold location, (i.e. Alaska) so they can build a cabin out of Kit Kat candy bars to live in.


Ever since I was little and playing with Lincoln Logs, I always criticized the design. I disliked that they were only flat at certain sections. I wished they were completely flat across the top and bottom, like Kit Kat Bars! Thus the idea was born, My dream home, the Kit Kat Cabin. Due to the melting nature of chocolate, obviously this dream has to wait until I move somewhere cold.

The person below me loves to give away Beggin’ Strips to everyone they meet.


Of course I do. I only meet dogs anymore and they are always begging for treats!

The person below me has saved a bucket of dirt from every place they have ever visited.


Because land is where I’m safe, so I must always have dirt with me!

The person below me has at least 3 twitter accounts for inanimate objects they have found on the street.


I’m upset about it. The cigar butt and the Juicy Fruit gum wrapper have more followers than I do!

The person below me only eats orange or blue food.


It’s a small sacrifice to pay to truly be a diehard Mets fan… LETS GO METS!!

The person below me just put bet $500 on the winner of this Sunday’s Superbowl. They can’t believe Vegas gave them 1,000,000:1 odds on the Packers.


I think it’s a good bet.
I’m hoping they sneak into the stadium early, steal & wear the uniforms for those damn Pats, then WIN THE SUPERBOWL! I’ll be rich!

The person below me thinks the Super Bowl is a bowling game.


Well of COURSE it’s a bowling game. It has strikes, spares, gutter balls, and even a half time period. Surely you’ve heard of the legendary saying;

Faster than a speeding bowling ball! It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s SUPER BOWL!!!

The Person below me is making plans to get into the next edition of the Guinness Book of World records by singing in the shower for hours & hours.