Woot's Unofficial Joke thread: Laughing, Fun, etc.

I thought this would be a good idea for a thread, a joke thread. Having a bad day? Need a laugh? Well, you have come to the right place! Ill start us off: Why are New Yorkers always depressed? The light at the end of their tunnel is New Jersey.

Extreme bumpage.

It is a good idea but we already have

Fer Laffin Out Loud: Jokestry, Ribaldry, and Irreverence

Have you seen those? Those threads are still on the first page of EBW.

Ah, didnt see those. I normally just come on here on weekends.

Feel free to join in. And we could use more jokes.

Pet Diaries: Dog vs. Cat…

The Dog’s Diary:

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!

7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

The Cat’s Diary:

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am. Jerks!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.

Rofl. Ive saw that somewhere else before, but it always makes me crack up.

Ever since they found mad cow disease in the U.S., I’m not taking any chances. It can live in your body for years before it ravages your brain.

AOL won’t load for me and I get my clean, usually bad, jokes in an email.
So, I can’t post anymore until it is fixed :frowning:
Anyone else still use aol for email and can’t get onto the site?

I guess Roy (from Siegfried and Roy) isn’t doing as well as they first thought… He was attacked by his own tiger and suffered devastating injuries.


Did you guys hear about that train explosion in North Korea? … The media is so sensitive there; so secretive. We may never know how many people perished.

Why did you post this in the joke thread?

Lady Poof,

Gee, they sure seemed funny the first time I heard these lines.

*You’re enjoying your day
Everything’s going your way
Then along comes Debbie Downer.

Always there to tell you 'bout a new disease
A car accident or killer bees
You’ll beg her to spare you, “Debbie, Please!”
But you can’t stop Debbie Downer!*

edit: streaming media are blocked at work, so I can’t find the video online right now.

Sorry, I had no idea where it came from.

S’OK, Lady Poof, it wouldn’t be a post from me if people didn’t go like “W T F?!?”

Would you like to move it and I’ll delete it from here?

Move what, Ms. Name? When you see the sketch, each of those lines is hilariously funny! Isn’t this thread about laughing, fun, etc.?

Poof’s death and distruction post.

Huh? Boy, there’s a lot going over my head today. Maybe a nap will refresh the brain cells.