“Well, that’s a first. This guy just threw up on the phone.”
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Email from coworker who does not play fantasy sports in reply to being included on email about fantasy basketball league. redacted name was another co-worker.
“I’ve actually started my own fantasy league. It is based on the performance of a fantasy owner in his/her respective leagues. I took [name redacted] as my first pick. I figured the sheer volume of leagues he’s involved in will make him a top performer.”
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I’ve created my own fantasy league its where all the idiots who have fantasy leagues brawl it out in a cage. and to spice things up everyone will have their own trained raccoon.
and yeah sure heard this in US history AP
person:“oh come on the only reason why no one will admit to wanting to own a slave is because there is like 3 black people in here.”
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“Uh-oh. I think this Baba ghanoush has gone bad.”
From a Twitter follow-ee: “That is a terrible logo. You should not make a logo for anybody again. You should take up farming or baking.”
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Last week, was talking about my son being a bit wild this weekend to a coworker. Joked about duct taping him to the wall, etc. Good laugh.
Today we had an escaped white mouse for a maze experiement I’m having my students perform in a few weeks. It was in a room he couldn’t get out of, so we baited a small trap with chocolate, and within 10 minutes, we got him, put him back in the cage, and put a rock on the top grate. But while we’re looking for it, me 'n the lab guy had the following discussion approximately as the following:
“How’d he get out?”
“I dunno…”
“Was he in the cage?”
“YEah, must have jumped up and crawled under the top grate”
“We’d better catch him quick, cuz if we don’t he could get himself hurt in that room”
“Yeah, let’s get a trap…”
Coworker from before was walking by and overheard us. Slowed down and scowled. I asked why. Coworker said:
“Why did you put your son in a cage?”
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One co-worker’s hanging out around another co-worker’s desk.
“Have you been eating curry? Your lunch smells really good.”
“Haven’t eaten yet. That’s my new cologne.”
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Co-worker 1: “My girlfriend never cracks my back. She never does any of that stuff for me.”
Co-worker 2: “That’s because you make her wear that stupid outfit.”
Third co-worker, from across the room: It’s a Sailor Moon costume! I’ve seen it!
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On the phone: Yeah, no…no, I mean, that’s a good size for a dog liver, no question…
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Some strange conversations in your work place. I’m wondering if a worker at a psych ward would hear anything weirder. l o l
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Maybe it is a psych ward!!
Today’s gem:
Co-worker #1 is singing Whitney Houston. Poorly.
Co-worker #2: Yeah, I’m going to need you to not f*** up a classic like that.
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@ Wendy’s
Customer: Does the BLT have tomatoes in it?
Cashier: I don’t know, let me ask.
turns and calls out to the cook
Does the BLT come with tomatoes??
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My boss for some reason only speaks in analogies…ones that don’t even make sense.
Example of today’s convo in regards to finishing a project:
“We are circling the airport on this one. Time to move up the conveyor belt and stop playing in the weeds.”
One time, he mixed two classics up and we all just about died from trying not to laugh:
“Well, that was a tough nut to swallow.”
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Chocolate?
One side of a phone conversation by an middle-aged female adult in the high school library:
Well you need to see if I’m in the mood first.
You either get it or you don’t!
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Co-Worker talking about the weird antique mall here in Vegas:
“Really, combine the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, the Poltergeist and Little Secrets and you have the back of the antique mall. It’s like it’s colon.”
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So she says to the guy, “How about sex for lunch?”
He says “Hell Yeah!!!”
Really, what guy wouldn’t trade sex for food? It’s a win-win proposition.
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That’s some office you work in.
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Co-Worker #1: …and then they wind up in India, get dysentery and die.
Resident vegan sneers at co-worker’s ramen. Co-worker responds:
You live on toothpicks and tofu. Come talk to me about food when you eat something other than toothpicks and f***ing tofu.
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