[This was originally posted during @ThunderThighs last Happy Hour and bombed…big time. Who’da thought that posting a multiple paragraph mini mystery (with several follow up clues) during a frenzied 750+ post per hour topic would not immediately become an internet sensation? As such, to truly give this the proper opportunity to bomb on its own merits, I’ve modified slightly and will re-post here.]
The following is a brief narrative setting out a Woot (non-Prime) Exclusive crime. A series of 3 Clue posts will be [added below] which may aid in solving the Whodunit. However, creativity, and perhaps random luck, will be needed. (My way of saying that these hastily written clues may not exactly add up, so keep expectations to a minimum!) The object is to determine WHO committed the crime, and WHAT the instrument of the crime was. I, in no way, will be tracking responses or trying to figure out who was the first person to guess Whodunit. Enjoy, the game is afoot!
Murder in the VOP:
As part of their after B0C Day duties, Manager Dave (all characters are imaginary and any relation to actual handled Wooters is purely coincidence), no doubt acting at the behest of the ever-evil and profit driven Uncle Jeff, forces Mortimer and Monte to enter the VOP to clean things up. The monkey mascots detest this duty, and curse Manager Dave for making them the World’s only face of the franchise custodians. Upon entry, Mort and Monte are immediately overcome by the thick cloud of disappointment that permeates every corner of the VOP.
“I hate how quiet it always is in here,” said Monte, “This place could really use some music.”
“But Monte,” said Mort, “Don’t you hear that?”
“Hear what?” said Monte.
They listened. They heard a buzzing sound zip past overhead, followed by a sobbing sound. Mort and Monte split up and looked around to find the source. After searching alone for a while, they met up near a pile of half working Woot-Off lights. Monte was covered in sweat, cooling himself with a handheld fan commonly sold on Woot, while Mort was wearing a new CatShirt. In the disorienting glow of the lights, they found Lightning Legs crying while clutching a leak puppy.
“I just wanted to give the people what they wanted!” LL suddenly shouted. “Not these stupid leak puppies and leak bugs, but real leak FROGs! That cheap-o Manager Dave would not let me buy them….Something about them not having a high enough profit margin! Well guess what! I showed him.”
“What do you mean?” asked Monte?
“I ruined his profit margin by stealing these leak puppies and bugs and placing them all over the VOP. When the flood of Wooter tears fill up the VOP, the alarms will never stop!” said LL, laughing manically.
Just then, a piecing noise shot through VOP. The group ran to sound, climbing over the unending piles of I miss the old Woots, this is not fairs, and Worst Woot-Off Evers, which had been scattered about by the hordes of disappointed Wooters who had been stuck in VOP limbo. Monte got to the sound first and, after moving a stack of the Narf’s unwanted CatShirts, he found a leak FROG screeching. However, it was not water causing the leak Frog to activate, but rather, a pool of blood - with Manager Dave lying in the middle! [Dave does not live.] Blood streamed from a series of slices, which ran down Manager Dave’s neck and body.
Clue #1 (of 3)
Found in Manager Dave’s hand was a document titled “Urgent! Profit Margin Improvement Ideas List” which included the following notes:
- Replace M&M with Evil Bucket? Eliminate banana budget, but higher evil insurance costs.
- No more Leak Frogs! Puppies and Bugs are good?? LL really not happy
- Make Prime Members pay double?
- Automate the warehouse and delivery process? UJ’s pet project, may not have a choice
- Ban the Penguin. hahahaha –Yes. Will save a ton.
- Replace CatShirts with shirts people will buy.
Clue #2 (of 3)
A cat-sized hole was observed in the (non-metaphorical) glass ceiling (the VOP is a glass case of emotion) directly above Manager Dave’s body.
Clue #3 (of 3)
Manager Dave’s partially working, refurbished, 2 ½ generation old iPixel phone was located near the body. On the screen was the following text, from an unknown sender:
“B0C day was a disaster. You have failed me for the last time. Meet me by the CatShirts in the VOP tomorrow at 10 WST to discuss implementation of P.A.”
Instrument of Crime?
Bonus Question – Motive? *
[ * There is no bonus.]
TT's Happy Hour - Mischief Week Edition (9/20 @ 12pm CT):