Rooster talk. Cluck Cluck

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#1

This thread is for all wooters who have waited for years to be able to discuss Rooster topics, Rooster stories and just about everything pro-Rooster.
Hens may also be talked about here, as is everything Chicken.

CLUCK CLUCK

Remember: Eat cows! Eat those stinky pigs! Eat turkeys!
But please… Let us Chickens grow to a ripe old age.

Thank you


#2

And that’s why you should learn to pick your battles.

JUNE 21, 2011

in RANDOM CRAP

This morning I had a fight with Victor about towels. I can’t tell you the details because it wasn’t interesting enough to document at the time, but it was basically me telling Victor I needed to buy new bath towels, and Victor insisting that I NOT buy towels because I “ just bought new towels “. Then I pointed out that the last towels I’d bought were hot pink beach towels, and he was all “EXACTLY” and then I hit my head against the wall for an hour.

Then Laura came to pick me up so we could go to the discount outlet together, and as Victor gave me a kiss goodbye he lovingly whispered, “ You are not allowed to bring any more goshdarn towels in this house or I will strangle you “. And that was exactly what I was still echoing through my head an hour later, when Laura and I stopped our shopping carts and stared up in confused, silent awe at a display of enormous metal chickens, made from rusted oil drums.

Laura: I think you need one of those.

me: You’re joking, but they’re kind of horrifically awesome.

Laura: I’m not joking. We need to buy you one.

me: The 5-foot tall one was $300, marked down to $100. That’s like, $200 worth of chicken for free.

Laura: You’d be crazy not to buy that. I mean, look at it. IT’S FULL OF WHIMSY.

me: Victor’d be pissed.

Laura: Yup.

me: But on the plus side? It’s not towels.

Laura: Yup.

me: We will name him Henry. Or Charlie. Or O’Shannesy.

Laura: Or Beyoncé.

me: Or Beyoncé. Yes. And when our friends are sad we can leave him at their front door to cheer them up.

Laura: Exactly. It’ll be like, “ You thought yesterday was bad? Well, now you have a enormous metal chicken to deal with. Perspective. Now you have it.”

Then we flagged down a salesman, and we were all “What can you tell us about these chickens?”, as if we were in an art gallery, and not in a store that specializes in last years’ bathmats. He didn’t know anything about them, but he said that they’d only only sold one and it was to a really drunk lady, and then Laura and I were all “ SOLD . All this chicken belongs to us now.”

Insert-inappropriate-cock-joke-here.

So he loaded it onto a trolley, but Beyoncé was surprisingly unstable, and the giant 5 foot metal chicken crashed over onto the floor. And Laura and I were all “CHICKEN DOWN! CLEAN-UP IN AISLE 3” but he didn’t laugh. Then the manager came to see what was causing all the commotion, and that’s when he found the very-conservative salesman unhappily struggling to right an enthusiastically pointy chicken which was almost as tall as he was. The salesman was having a hard time, and he told everyone to stand back “because this chicken will cut you “, and at first I thought he meant it as a threat, like “That chicken has a shiv”, but turns out he just meant that all the chickens’ ends were sharp and rusty. It was awesome, and Laura and I agreed that even if we got tetanus, this chicken had already paid for himself even before we got it in her truck.

Then we got to my house and quietly snuck the chicken up to my front door, rang the doorbell, and hid around the corner.

Knock-knock, dirty bird.

Victor opened the door and looked at the chicken in stunned silence for about 3 seconds. Then he sighed, closed the door and walked away.

Laura: What the cluck? That’s it? That’s the only reaction we get?

me: That’s it. He’s a hard man to rattle.

Victor was surprisingly pissed that I’d “wasted money” on an enormous chicken, because apparently he couldn’t appreciate the hysterical value of a 5 foot chicken ringing the doorbell. Then I said, “Well, at least it’s not towels ” and apparently that was the wrong thing to say because that’s when Victor screamed and stormed off, but I knew he was locked in his office because I could hear him punching things in there. Then I yelled through his door, “ It’s an anniversary gift for you, gardner . Two whole weeks early. 15 YEARS IS BIG METAL CHICKENS.”

Then he yelled that he wanted it gone, but I couldn’t move it myself, so instead I said okay and went to watch tv. Then when the UPS guy came I hid, but he was all “Dude. Nice chicken” and Victor yelled, “IT IS NOT A NICE CHICKEN”. Which was probably very confusing to the UPS guy, who was just trying to be polite, Victor. Victor seemed more disgruntled than usual, so I finally dragged the chicken into the backyard and wedged it into a clump of trees so that it could scare the snakes away. Then I came in and Victor angrily pulled me into his office so that I could see that I’d stationed Beyoncé directly in front of his only window. And I was all “ Exactly. YOU’RE WELCOME.” I told him that he could move Beyoncé if he wanted to, but he totally hasn’t. Probably because of all of the giant rocks I piled on Beyonce’s feet to dissuade burglars. Or possibly because Beyoncé is growing on him. Still, I can’t help but think that we wouldn’t even be having this argument if Beyoncé was towels. Honestly, this whole chicken is really a lesson in picking your battles more carefully. Plus, he’s awesome and I can’t stop giggling every time I look at him. Beyoncé, that is.

Best. 15th anniversary. ever.

UPDATED 2012: It’s been half a year and people still continue to laugh, scream indignantly and to ask questions, so here are a few follow-ups. Victor and I are still (of course) happily married and after a few weeks he got over his giant rooster aversion. Beyonce stares at him from outside his office window. I eventually got new towels. “ Knock-knock, dirty bird! ” is embroidered on all of them. Victor was not impressed. Beyonce-the-giant-metal-chicken now has her own Facebook page with over 30,000 highly imaginative fans, and you can buy your own travel-sized Beyonce right here for under $20 . You’re welcome world. Now please stop yelling at me.


#3

I figured I’d share this story with people who would find the slight humor of this story. I just recently got a year old rooster. He’s been wonderful other than the second day in his home where he tried to be dominant over me which is to be expected with a new home and such. I’ve had not a single issue with him since then. However today my sister brought over her two sons an 11 year old and a 4 year old. The four year old is known for being pretty mischievous especially with animals. Now my hens and rooster free range our property during the day and the boys were outside playing. Then the youngest comes running in crying because the rooster had attacked him apparently. I talked to the 11 year old and he said that his little brother was chasing the hens all around thinking it was funny when out of no where the rooster came flying from no where at the little boy’s face. The boy is fine other than startled and taught to not to chase chickens. The rooster I’m proud of, good job protecting your ladies! [​IMG] some times you just gotta learn the hard way!


#4

THANK YOU THANK YOU WOOSTER!!!

SO MANY ROOSTER STORIES!


#5

Yes, there are.
Gotta go… Have a great day


#6

If @WoosterRooster is here, everything is going to be OK!


#7

I’ve never been close to @WoosterRooster; I find him too cocky.


#8

Totally made my day! Thanks for sharing this gem!


#9

Yes. I plan to help with any Rooster-related problems during the transition to the new forum.
Cluck Cluck:rooster::chicken::hatching_chick::rooster:


#10

Nice!
Funny Rooster story and a photograph of such a wonderful Rooster!
Clucking NICE


#11

Au contraire
Cluck Cluck
I am a very easy-going Rooster.
If I get cocky at all, it when my hens try to take the day off and not lay any eggs.
I will not stand for that!


#12

But will you sit for it? LOL
Hey Wooster, don’t you be a stranger in the Greens, just because you got your own fancy forum! :wink:


#13

Cluck Cluck
Of course! I’m a Green Team Woot Rooster!!


#14

The Wooster Song

https://www.dropbox.com/s/ouaifqqjo0oxnf3/Wooster%20Song.mp3?dl=0 (for best results, open in new tab)

Got a Letter, in a Bag-of Crap
Got a Letter, in a Bag-of Crap
My wife said, “Honey, We ain’t got no money,
but you got a Letter, in a Bag-of Crap.”

Then a Wooster, came onto the farm
and caught that Letter out behind the barn

Now we’ve got more crap, than we ever used to
Ever since that Wooster came onto the farm
Now we’ve got more crap, than we ever used to
Ever since that Wooster came onto the farm

We had some chickens, no eggs would they lay
We had some chickens, no eggs would they lay
My wife said, “Honey, we ain’t got no money,
cause we’ve some chickens, no eggs would they lay.”

Then that Wooster came onto the farm
and caught those chickens out behind the barn

Well we’ve got eggs now, like we never used to
ever since that Wooster came onto the farm
well we’ve got eggs now, like we never used to
ever since that Wooster came onto the farm

We had some milk cows, no milk would they give
We had some milk cows, no milk would they give
My wife said, “Honey, we ain’t no money
cause we’ve got some milk cows no milk would they give.”

Then that Wooster came onto the farm
and caught those milk cows out behind the barn

Well we’ve got eggnog like we never used to
ever since that Wooster came onto the farm
Well we’ve got eggnog like we never used to
ever since that Wooster came onto the farm.

We had a gum tree, no gum would it give
We had a gum tree, no gum would it give.
My wife said, “Honey, we ain’t got no money
cause we got a gum tree, no gum will it give.”

Then that Wooster came onto the farm
and caught that gum tree out behind the barn.

Now we’ve got Chiclets like we never used to
ever since that Wooster came onto the farm
Now we’ve got Chiclets like we never used to
ever since that Wooster came onto the farm

Now we’ve got more crap than we ever used to
ever since that Wooster came onto the farm
Now we’ve got more crap than we ever used to
ever since that Wooster came onto the farm!


#15

That’s… just… beautiful!

cluck cluck

It brings tears to my Rooster eyes.
The deep meaning, the wonderful poetry!
Thank You Very Much!

cluck cluck


#16

#17

#19

But…

What?


#20

Video wouldn’t post so I deleted the post


#21